Please give me some feedback

[johnq]

I am a non-native speaker of English. I have poor writing skill. I would like to improve my writing skill. For that, I am planning to write something and post in this forum so that somebody will review my essay and give me some feedback, which will be really helpful for me to improve my writing skill. I am really grateful for your effort and consideration.

My essay topic is Satisfaction as presented below:

People will never be satisfied in the life. They always want to achieve more and keep on running to achieve something better than there present. In fact, I believe on the fact that people who satiated with life is one who does not has any ambition. They do not want change in their present life. I think, If this satisfaction comes in the later stage of life then it would be due to person believe that he/she has done whatever they can do in their life. On the other hand, if things come in the young stage then person must be incapable and parasite one. Unsatisfied person generally faces ups and downs in their life, which also creates frustration and joys in their life. So, what I suggest to all young guys is if you got unsuccessful then don't give it up, try again harder and have patience then you will be succeeded in your life.

[newoz]

My suggestion is, paragraph your essay first.

Quote Gillnetter's reply in another post:

1. Take a position – You either agree or disagree. (Paragraph 1)
2. List some reasons why your position is the best position (Paragraph 2~4)
3. At the end, restate your position and point out your argument as to why your position is the best one. (Paragraph 5)

[johnq]

Dear newoz,

Thanks for your reply. I am more thankful if someone comment on my sentence structure and grammar of paragraph.

[Gillnetter]

I am a non-native speaker of English. I have poor writing skill. I would like to improve my writing skill. For that, I am planning to write something and post in this forum so that somebody will review my essay and give me some feedback, which will be really helpful for me to improve my writing skill. I am really grateful for your effort and consideration.

My essay topic is Satisfaction as presented below:

People will never be satisfied in the life. They always want to achieve more and keep on running to achieve something better than there present {What they have}. In fact, I believe on the fact that people who are satiated with life is one are people who does do not has have any ambition. They do not want to change in their present life. I think,If this satisfaction comes in the later stage of life then it would be due to a person believe believing that he/she has done whatever they can do in their life. On the other hand, if things come in the young stage then that person must be incapable and a parasite one. Unsatisfied person people generally faces ups and downs in their life, which also creates frustration and joys in their life. So, what I suggest to all young guys people is if you got are unsuccessful then don't give it up, try again harder and have patience, then you will be succeeded successful in your life.

This is a good piece of writing considering that you are just learning English. You may want to pay more attention to articles.