"Diet"- IELTS writing task 2.Please correct and comment!

[nguyetanhht]

I have been practising writing IELTS task 2, of which I am still not confident enough.I have writen a number of essays and gotten a feeling of a progress.However, I just can't judge it.Can someone correct my essay and evaluate which band it can be?
"Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?"
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Nowadays, we easily catch sight of various diet advertisements on TV or newspapers, which examplifies the fact that dieting has become a centre of attention in society.It is cetainly true that dieting can help people be healthier and fitter .However, it may be counteractive once we use it in wrong ways.

In many ways, dieting has proved tobe a very effective solution to improve people's health and appearance. Due to the progress of living standards, many people today are suffering from obesity from the abundance of fastfood and a lack of exercise. Concerning fast people , resorting to diet is a good method of losing weight, even a miraculous one. It is not hard for us to find examples of people who reduced plenty of weight to become famous singers or actors. In deed, losing weight by dieting not only is the key factor protecting obese people from various diseases but also can change their life by making them more confident of their own appearance.

Dieting, on the other hand, grabs the attendace of many other people as well. It is common for both mem and women that an attactive body always holds more opportunities in love. In addition, without discrimination, good-looking people are preferable to employers on the ground that they can make a greater impression on business parters.Apparently, the company's goals are achieved more easily.Accordingly, we can find lots of evidence to support the view that going on a diet helps we stand a better chance of success.

However, the wish to have as a perfect body as models or actors forces many people ,especially women to carelessly reduce their weight as much and fast as possible. They willing to apply unhealthy diet which provides them with poor nutrition. More dangerously, they drop the meals and ignore necessary food. That is,a route perhaps making them thinner but consequently ruining their health completely.

In conclusion, for these reason, I believe in a safe diet which give a bright future for ones hoping to maintain a good health, change their appearance to pursue their purposes in life. A diet should be considered carefully before following to avoid unfortunate consequence and, in particular, it is a better idea that dieting should go hand in hand with exercising and yoga to have the best effects.
(this essay may be longer than an IELTS essay because my teacher require at least 300 words so don't take length into consideration)

[Gillnetter]

I have been practising writing IELTS task 2, of which I am still not confident enough.I have writen a number of essays and gotten a feeling of a progress.However, I just can't judge it.Can someone correct my essay and evaluate which band it can be?
"Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?"
--------------------------
Nowadays, we can easily catch sight of various diet advertisements on TV or newspapers, which examplifies the fact that dieting has become a centre of attention in society. It is cetainly true that dieting can help people be healthier and fitter. However, it may be counteractive once if we use it in the wrong ways.

In many ways, dieting has proved tobe to be a very effective solution to improve improving people's health and appearance. Due to the progress of living standards, many people today are suffering from obesity from the abundance of fastfood fast food and a lack of exercise. Concerning fast fat people, resorting to a diet is a good method of losing weight, even a miraculous one. It is not hard difficult for us to find examples of people who reduced have lost plenty of weight to become famous singers or actors. In deed Indeed, losing weight by dieting not only is the key factor protecting obese people from various diseases but also can change their life by making them more confident of their own appearance.

Dieting, on the other hand, grabs the attendace attention of many other people as well. It is common for both mem men and women to believe that an attactive body always holds more opportunities in love. In addition, without discrimination, good-looking people are preferable to employers on the grounds that they can make a greater impression on business parters partners. Apparently, the company's goals are achieved more easily. Accordingly, we can find lots of evidence to support the view that going on a diet helps we us stand a better chance of success.

However, the wish to have as a perfect a body as models or actors forces many people ,especially women, to carelessly reduce their weight as much and as fast as possible. They are willing to apply use an unhealthy diet which provides them with poor nutrition. More dangerously, they drop the do not eat their meals and ignore necessary food. That is, a route perhaps making them thinner but consequently ruining their health completely.

In conclusion, for these reason, I believe in a safe diet which gives a bright future for ones hoping to maintain a good health, change their appearance, and to pursue their purposes in life. A diet should be considered carefully before following it to avoid unfortunate consequences and, in particular, it is a better idea that dieting should go hand-in-hand with exercising and yoga to have the best effect.
(this essay may be longer than an IELTS essay because my teacher require at least 300 words so don't take length into consideration)

I'll leave the scoring to someone else. I noticed that you have some problem areas:

Spelling errors
There is no space before a punctuation mark - (i.e. this is a man. - not, this is a man .)
There is a space after a punctuation mark - (i.e. this is a man. And he - not, this is a man.And he)
You are at a level where the next step is to increase your vocabulary. Understanding how words are used to mean different things will be important to you from now on.

[nguyetanhht]

Thank you so much for your comment!
My essay has more spelling errors than I expected
Such spelling errors may result from the fact that I was in a hurry and didn't check carefully after typing. I will try not to repeat this for the next essays.
As you say, my biggest problem lies in vocabulary. In fact, I am trying to improve it. I always find it hard to find the most suitable and formal words. Sometimes, I wonder whether a word used is right or wrong. But noone can help me.So, your correcting is really helpful.
But can't you score it so that I will know where i am?