Please correct (letter 1)

[Dany]

Hello,

Would you please correct the following letter?


Dear Madam / Sir,

In the previous year we bought a lot of Lamswool-Pullover from you. With this
we were very satisfied.

As we are about to place our orders for the coming season, we ask you to send
us a detailed offer as soon as possible.

As we take out from your offer of last year, you manufacture also Twinsets.
Please send us a colour sample card and inform as about the quality and quantity
which you can supply.

If you have good conditions, we should gladly prepared to cover our total future
needs of Lambswool-knitting-goods from you.

Sincerly yours,
Daniela Rodner


Thanks in advance for your corrections.

Best regards,
Dany

[Tdol]

Dear Sir or Madam,

Last year we bought many lambswool pullovers from you, which we were very satisfied with.

As we are about to place our orders for the coming season, we would be grateful if you could send us a detailed offer at your earliest convenience.

As seen in your offer last year, you manufacture also Twinsets.
Please send us a colour sample card and information about the quality and quantity which you can supply.

If terms and conditions and prices are acceptable, we should gladly cover our total future needs of lambswool knitted-goods from you.

Sincerly yours,
Daniela Rodner

[Dany]

Thanks for corrections. Can you please give me some explanations of this?

Originally Posted by tdol

Last year we bought many lambswool pullovers from you, which we were very satisfied with.

Why it is wrong to say "In the previous year"?
I wanted to say: ... we bought a item of lambswool pullovers ... . Sorry, I have choosen the wrong word

Originally Posted by tdol

As we are about to place our orders for the coming season, we would be grateful if you could send us a detailed offer at your earliest convenience.

Why you don't use "as soon as possible"? And what's the difference of "at your erliest convenience"?

Originally Posted by tdol

As seen in your offer last year, you manufacture also Twinsets.
Please send us a colour sample card and information about the quality and quantity which you can supply.

Why do you use "as seen" here? What's the difference of "take out"?

Originally Posted by tdol

If terms and conditions and prices are acceptable, we should gladly cover our total future needs of lambswool knitted-goods from you.

Doesn't include the word "conditions" the "terms and prices"? In Germany it is.

Best regards,
Dany

[Tdol]

Why it is wrong to say "In the previous year"?

Because in the previous year = one year before a time refernce.

I went to Germany in 2002. The previous year (=2001) I had taken a course in German....

Why you don't use "as soon as possible"? And what's the difference of "at your erliest convenience"?

'At your earliest convenience' is used in letters as a polite way of saying 'as soon as possible', which can sound too direct. When writing, it is important to try to be as polite as possible

Why do you use "as seen" here? What's the difference of "take out"?

I didn't feel that 'take out' worked as a way of making a reference, which is what you're doing here.

Doesn't include the word "conditions" the "terms and prices"? In Germany it is.

It does, We talk or Terms and Conditions as going together. I shoved an extra prices in to let them know where I was expecting them to impress me.

[Dany]

Thanks a lot for your explanations

All the best,
Dany

[Tdol]

Always welcome, Dany.