job satisfaction- any suggestion is appreicated

[datianer]

[topic]
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

[essay]
In the adult world, the job is the dispensable and inevitable part of life. And job satisfaction has become an social issue for workers to think about since it closely relates to the physical and mental well-being. To find the ideal job, it is essential to know what one expects from the job, meanwhile having realistic expectation of job satisfaction is helpful for the workers to live happily without too much pressure.

In terms of the factors relating to job satisfaction, the very first one is the wealth, including the salary, the welfare and the special award from jobs. More wealth not only secures the basic living, but also makes it possible for workers to improve their life quality. Secondly, the safety in the job significantly determines the individual's physical and mental health in the long run. the jobs providing poor working conditions or might causing depression, anxiety and nervousness, such as the firefighters, policemen and mining workers, are not likely to receive high job satisfaction. The final factor is the success in jobs. The promotion and the award make the workers proud of what they do and they will become more confident in their lives. without the sense of success, the workers tend to fail in keeping their interests in their jobs so that the dissatisfaction accumulates.

To be realistic in job expectation, the first thing for the workers to bear in mind is the fact that actually there is no perfect job can fulfill the infinite human desires. it is wise to adjust oneself to the current position which might not their ideal job, but meets the basic demands of the job. by which means, one can receive more joy and knowledge in their jobs. On the other hand, the perfect jobs workers strive for are generally the top positions in the society, which require strong personality and great deal of knowledge. Thus it is more realistic for one to improve step by step, through planing their career and accumulating their knowledge from their current jobs.

To conclude, the wealth, the safety and the success are three main factors determining the job satisfaction. at the same time of considering these factors during job hunting, being realistic to the expectation of job satisfaction is also essential to ensure the ease and happiness of the lives.

[IHIVG]

In the adult world, the job is the dispensable and inevitable part of life.

"Dispensable" means "unimportant/unnecessary". Is it really what you meant to say?

[datianer]

sorry, wrong word~indispensible is exactly what I mean. thx.
how about about the sturcture of the paragraph and the other expressions?

[IHIVG]

[topic]
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual's well-being. What are the factors that contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

[essay]
In the adult world, the job is thean indispensable and inevitable part of life. And job satisfaction has become an social issue for workers to think about, since it closely relates to the physical and mental well-being. To find the ideal job, it is essential to know what one expects from the job, meanwhile, having realistic expectation of job satisfaction is helpful for the workers to live happily without too much pressure.

In terms of the factors relating to job satisfaction, the very first one is the wealth, including the salary, the welfare and the special awards from jobs. More wealth not only secures the basic living, but also makes it possible for workers to improve their life quality. Secondly, the safety in on the job significantly determines the individual's physical and mental health in the long run. The jobs providing poor working conditions or might causing depression, anxiety and nervousness, such as the firefighters, policemen and mining workers, are not likely to receive high job satisfaction. (This sentence is inconsistent and I'd suggest you rewrite it. If we leave out all subordinate clauses, here's the gist of the sentence: 'The jobs are not likely to receive high job satisfaction')The final factor is the success in jobs. The promotion and the awards make the workers proud of what they do and they will become more confident in their lives. Without the sense of success, the workers tend to fail in keeping their interests in their jobs so that the dissatisfaction accumulates.

To be realistic in job expectation, the first thing for the workers to bear in mind is the fact, that actually there is no perfect job that can fulfill the infinite human desires. It is wise to adjust oneself to the current position, which might not be their ideal job, but meets the basic demands of the job (I don't quite understand how the last clause links to the whole sentence here. Position that meets the basic demands of the job?) by which means, one can receive more joy and knowledge in their jobs. On the other hand, the perfect jobs workers (I think it's better to reword this) strive for are generally (generally strive for) the top positions in the society, which requires a strong personality and a great deal of knowledge. Thus, it is more realistic for one to improve step by step, through planning their career and accumulating their knowledge from their current jobs.

To conclude, the wealth, the safety and the success are the three main factors determining the job satisfaction. At the same time,of considering these factors during job hunting, being realistic to the expectation of job satisfaction, is also essential to ensure the ease and happiness of the lives in life.

Most of the grammar seems OK to me. I'm not sure about the structure, though, - it has a tendency to lose the thread, in my view. But let's wait for the teachers to have their say.

[datianer]

Nice correction, I still need more efforts on converting my Chinglish to English. thank you mate.