[Grammar] I need some help with corrections on an English task.

[cindysmeulders]

I wrote an small paper for my class 'English for Criminologists' and got this paper back with some remarks.
I find it hard to make out what to change. Can someone please help me with this. I underlined the portions where i got comments on.
Thanks

The term self-defense is in theory quite simple, you are allowed to defend yourself if being under attack, but the practical application is in the least straightforward.

As not being an expert on English law I see the conviction of manslaughter as just but to take extenuating circumstances into account for the criminal dispensation.

The fact that he did not get parole was because he clearly did not express any regret on killing the boy nor wounding his accomplish. Even if the incident had happened on self-defense or property-defense, most people would be sorry about the loss of life.

[Gillnetter]

Originally Posted by cindysmeulders

I wrote an small paper for my class 'English for Criminologists' and got this paper back with some remarks.
I find it hard to make out what to change. Can someone please help me with this. I underlined the portions where i got comments on.
Thanks

Quote:
The term self-defense is in theory quite simple, you are allowed to defend yourself if being under attack, but the practical application is in the least straightforward.
I see no reason to delete the comma after "simple".
Change "if being" to "if".
Change "in the least straightforward" to "not straightforward"
The term self defense is, in theory, quite simple, you are allowed to defend yourself if under attack, but the practical application is not straightforward.

Quote:
As not being an expert on English law I see the conviction of manslaughter as just but to take extenuating circumstances into account for the criminal dispensation.
I do not know why "on" was underlined.

While not being an expert on English law, I see the conviction of manslaughter as just, but take extenuating circumstances into account for the dispensation of the criminal.


Quote:
The fact that he did not get parole was because he clearly did not express any regret on killing the boy nor wounding his accomplish. Even if the incident had happened on self-defense or property-defense, most people would be sorry about the loss of life.
The fact that he did not get parole was because he clearly did not express any regrets for killing the boy nor for wounding his accomplice. Even if the incident had happened while defending life or property, most people would be sorry about the loss of life.

[cindysmeulders]

Hey Gillnetter, thank you very much for your quick response.

Quote:
The term self-defense is in theory quite simple, you are allowed to defend yourself if being under attack, but the practical application is in the least straightforward.
I changed this as you suggested and i also thought the comma was in the right place.

The term self defense is, in theory, quite simple, you are allowed to defend yourself if under attack, but the practical application is not straightforward.

Quote:
As not being an expert on English law I see the conviction of manslaughter as just but to take extenuating circumstances into account for the criminal dispensation.
I changed "As" into "While" as you suggested.
I browsed the internet a bit and found 2 ways to say you're an expert "on English law" or "in English law". Should i change this part to "expert in English law"?
I left out "to" in "but to take".
With "Criminal dispensation" i want to tell that the convicted get less or the minimum prison sentence. I know found 2 terms that i think mean the same. "mitigation" and "remission". Which of the 3 do you think i should use?

While not being an expert in English law, I see the conviction of manslaughter as just but take extenuating circumstances into account for mitigation.

Quote:
The fact that he did not get parole was because he clearly did not express any regret on killing the boy nor wounding his accomplish. Even if the incident had happened on self-defense or property-defense, most people would be sorry about the loss of life.
I made the changes as you suggested, but i did ad another "defending" in the last part of the sentence. I want to make clear that there is a difference between defending life and defending property.
Can I do this, does this look right to you?

The fact that he did not get parole was because he clearly did not express any regrets for killing the boy nor for wounding his accomplice. Even if the incident had happened while defending life or defending property, most people would be sorry about the loss of life.