I really need your help in revising this story.
There was an old woman and her married son, his wife was an evil woman. Everyday she was telling her husband to take his mother to the nursery home. Untiringly, she was constantly filling his head with evil ideas untill he surrendered to her. They decided to take her to the beach, her son told her he's taking her to a beach picnic so they went, after sitting for a little while her son told her he's going to bring some coffee and he gave her note of his phone number and asked her to give this note to anyone incase she wanted to contact him the went to his way. The mother waited and waited for her son, he never came back. All this time she was worried something happened to her son that it took him long to come back, she was hungry so she had to eat meal leftovers. A group of young men saw her alone and hurried to her asking her about her whatabouts, she told them the story and gave them the note. When they read the note they were shocked to know that sun gave up his mother to anyone sees the note. They decided not to tell the poor old lady so they asked her to come with them, she refused believing her son will come back, the boys left her alone, upon insisting. That night, the boy who read the note couldn't go to sleep so he hurried back to the old lady only to find her dead. He wept bitterly to find that she died out of extreme fear that something terrible has happened to her son. When the son knew about this, he went mad, and now he's an in-patient in a mental hospital.
I know it's bad enough. : (
Last edited by o.h.t.o; 01-May-2010 at 03:39.
Originally Posted by o.h.t.o
Some of the commas should be replaced with full-stops. Try to avoid long sentences. It's not that bad. Nice story with a moral.
Thanks alot for attention and your help, sir.
Appreciate your prompt response.
And also wanna thank you for lifting my spirit. You think I stand a chance? :P
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