Check my writing

[Adam Cruge]

I wrote this. Please check for errors and errors in tenses. Consider the style. Change it (mention where you made the change) for the sake of style whenever needed. rate my writing.

5 years later

I searched her a lot, but...I don’t know where she is now, but I know where I am now. Writhing on hospital bed in execrably exquisite pain, I am waiting for my last breath; the strongest analgesic available is not being able to alleviate my pain. Closed my eyes and flash back started. In my dreams she used to come every single night; how we met that night and then how I fell in love with her. So she came and so she went away. Those moments with her at that stormy night! I love her. For a few minutes I lost myself in my dreams, I forgot all my pain I was suffering from. I don’t know where she is now. Hope she is happy. During my last days I want her to be with me.

I am waiting and waiting for closing my eyes forever. So that I can see her forever. After my death I will become a star just beside that bright moon and from there I will follow her, whatever she does, wherever she goes. And when she wishes to see me all she has to do is to look up the dark sky. She will find me there cuddling up to the Silver Moon Light. And then I need not have to use my cell phone to call her to know what she is doing, how she is doing. Love hurts but it is evident that love kills as well.

Now I know what the value of waiting for someone is. A few more days and then freedom. I was comparing myself to a prisoner, that prisoner who is going to be released in a few days. Now I understand how he makes the countdown – 4, 3, 2, 1,...., 0

[Gillnetter]

I wrote this. Please check for errors and errors in tenses. Consider the style. Change it (mention where you made the change) for the sake of style whenever needed. rate my writing.

I searched for her a lot, but...I don’t know where she is now, but I know where I am now. Writhing on a hospital bed in execrably exquisite pain, I am waiting for my last breath; the strongest analgesic available is not being able to alleviate my pain. Closed my eyes and the flash backs started. In my dreams she used to come every single night; how we met that night and then how I fell in love with her. So she came and so she went away. Those moments with her at that stormy night! I love her. For a few minutes I lost myself in my dreams, I forgot all my pain I was suffering from. I don’t know where she is now. Hope she is happy. During my last days I want her to be with me.

I am waiting and waiting for closing to close my eyes forever. So that I can see her forever. After my death I will become a star just beside that bright moon and from there I will follow her, whatever she does, wherever she goes. And when she wishes to see me all she has to do is to look up at the dark sky. She will find me there cuddling up to the Silver Moon Light. And then I need not have to use my cell phone to call her to know what she is doing, how she is doing. Love hurts but it is evident that love kills as well.

Now I know what the value of waiting for someone is. A few more days, and then freedom. I was comparing myself to a prisoner, that a prisoner who is going to be released in a few days. Now I understand how he makes the countdown – 4, 3, 2, 1,...., 0.

Gil