GDP growth - IELTS Writing Taks 1

[scorpio2002]

Hi there. I am preparing for the IELTS exam. Could you please have a look at this essay and check it out giving it a mark? Thank you a lot.

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"The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not." [unfortunatelly, I can't provide the graph!]


The bar chart shows the average trend per year in GDP in wealthy, globalisers and non-globalisers countries over a 30-year period, between 1960s and 1990s.
The most significant upward tread was shown by globalisers whose GDPs rose steadily from slightly more than 1% in 1960 up to a peak of almost 5% in 1990, matching the figures for wealthy countries in the 1960s. On the contrary, the figures for wealthy countries show a downward trend with a constant fall of over 50% during the examined period. In the 1960s the average growth of wealthy countries GDP was 5% while in the 1990s it reached a low of 2%, matching the figures for globalisers in the 1960s.Finally, the figures for non-globalisers fluctuated throughout the examined period although, in general, there was a 1% drop between 1960s and 1990s with a peak of 3% in the 1970s and a low of less than 1% in the 1980s.
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[Raymott]

Hi there. I am preparing for the IELTS exam. Could you please have a look at this essay and check it out giving it a mark? Thank you a lot.

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"The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not." [unfortunatelly, I can't provide the graph!]


The bar chart shows the average trend per year in GDP in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers over a 30-year period, between 1960s and 1990s.
The most significant upward tread trend? was shown by globalisers whose GDPs rose steadily from slightly more than 1% in 1960 up to a peak of almost 5% in 1990, matching the figures for wealthy countries in the 1960s. On the contrary In contrast, the figures for wealthy countries show a downward trend with a constant steady fall of over 50% during the examined period.
In the 1960s the average growth of wealthy countries GDP was 5% while in the 1990s it reached a low of 2%, matching the figures for globalisers in the 1960s.Finally, the figures for non-globalisers fluctuated throughout the examined period although, in general, there was a 1% drop between 1960s and 1990s with a peak of 3% in the 1970s and a low of less than 1% in the 1980s.
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Without seeing the graph, it's impossible to tell whether this is right or not. Grammatically, it's good.
Remember that a drop of productivity from 4% one year to 2% the next year is a 50% drop, not a 2% drop.