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  1. #1
    mushisushi is offline Newbie
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    Default another(short) text that needs help

    i would appreciate if someone could review this paragraph , and suggest corrections. At the moment it seems confusing, I am not sutre about the expression "established upon an idea" and the sentence seems to long to follow
    Thanks
    Last edited by mushisushi; 11-Jun-2010 at 11:51.

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: another(short) text that needs help

    Quote Originally Posted by mushisushi View Post
    i would appreciate if someone could review this paragraph , and suggest corrections. At the moment it seems confusing, I am not sutre about the expression "established upon an idea" and the sentence seems to long to follow
    Thanks

    Founded in in 2010, XXXXXX is an integrated media platform based ( established) upon an idea of tracing complex cultural currents of the everchanging communication landscape in an attempt to identify and map emerging sensibilities

    Founded in 2010, XXXXXX is an integrated media platform based on the idea of tracing the complex cultural currents of the everchanging communication landscape in an attempt to identify and map emerging sensibilities.

    Founded in 2010, XXXXXX is an integrated media platform. The basic concept of XXXX is to trace the complex cultural currents of the everchanging communication landscape. The platform is an attempt to identify and map emerging sensibilities.

    It is a rather long sentence. I am not very sure of what emerging sensibilities are. Are these sensibilities concerned with people or with technology?

  3. #3
    mushisushi is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: another(short) text that needs help

    thanks for viewing it
    it has to do with people

    s
    Last edited by mushisushi; 11-Jun-2010 at 11:51.

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