May Yoy Correct My Essay,,,Please

[yasser000]

Hi,,, I would like to see how much I can achieve.

Essay Topic:- Do you think there should be compulsory military training for young adults in your country.

Protecting the country in which we live is national duty for each person belong to this country. At the same time, the differences in the abilities ought to be taken on the account. The question arises, therefore, as to whether the military training should be mandatory for Saudi youth.

Saudi government ought to harness young adults, depending on the field in which they do well. Saudi youth, as any youth, have different abilities and character, therefore, forcing them in the domain of military training will not succeed beneficial results. What is more, carrying a gun is not the merely method for a country to be protected. Having adults who accomplish success in many different fields can be a deterrent for enemies not to attack my country. This is comparable to the organs of human body, each one of these organs has specific process to achieve but together they protect the body from the viruses.

On the other hand, the patriotism which is the love for your country and loyalty towards it can be an incentive for many Saudi young people to accept the idea of forcing the military training. Also, it can be an experience for one to face the hardships of life. It is well-known that in the military life, young people face many difficult situations which teach them, in some cases, how to be serious and successful in their work lives.

Summing up, the advantages of voluntary military training are far outweigh the disadvantages, from my point of view, because while we are capable to protect our country by achieving success in any field in which we work, there is no necessary of the compulsory military training.


I am looking to achieve 7,,,
so please, can u correct it.

[Leandro-Z]

Hi,,, I would like to see how much I can achieve.

Essay Topic:- Do you think there should be compulsory military training for young adults in your country.?

Protecting the country in which we live is national duty for each person who belongs to this country. At the same time, the differences in the abilities ought to be taken on the into account. The question arises, therefore, as to whether the military training should be mandatory for Saudi youth.

Saudi government ought to should/had better harness/recruit young adults, depending on the field in which they do well. Saudi youth, as any youth, have different abilities and characters,. Therefore, forcing them in into the domain of military training will not succeed/achieve beneficial results. What is more, carrying a gun is not the merely method for a country to be protected. Having adults who accomplish success in many different fields can be a deterrent for enemies not to attack my our/the country. This is comparable to the organs of human body,: each one of these organs has specific process to achieve but together they protect the body from the viruses.

On the other hand, the patriotism, which is the love for your country and loyalty towards it, can be an incentive for many Saudi young people to accept the idea of forcing the military training. Also, it can be an experience for one to face the hardships of life. It is well-known that in the military life, young people face cope with many difficult situations which teach them, in some cases, how to be serious and successful in their work lives.

Summing up/In conlusion/All in all, the advantages of voluntary military training are far outweigh the disadvantages, from my point of view, because while we are capable to protect our country by achieving success in any field in which we work, there is no necessary of the compulsory military training.


I am looking to achieve 7,,,
so please, can u correct it.

Those are my corrections and synonyms,
Best wishes...

[yasser000]

Thinks Leandro

Do u think that this essay can acheive 7

thanks

[Gillnetter]

Hi,,, I would like to see how much I can achieve.

Essay Topic:- Do you think there should be compulsory military training for young adults in your country.

Protecting the country in which we live is a national duty for each person who belongs to this country. At the same time, the differences in the abilities ought to be taken on the into account. The question arises, therefore, as to whether the military training should be mandatory for Saudi youth.

The Saudi government ought to harness young adults, depending on the field in which they do well. Saudi youth, as any youth, have different abilities and character, therefore, forcing them in the domain of into military training will not succeed have beneficial results. What is more, carrying a gun is not the merely only method for a country to be protected. Having adults who accomplish success in many different fields can be a deterrent for enemies not to attack my country. This is comparable to the organs of human body, each one of these organs has a specific process to achieve but together they protect the body from the viruses.

When you say "harness", what does this mean to you? Are you saying that people should be used depending on what they can do the best?

On the other hand, the patriotism, which is the love for your country and loyalty towards it, can be an incentive for many Saudi young people to accept the idea of forcing the (forced?) military training. Also, it can be an experience for one to face the hardships of life. It is well-known that in the military life, young people face many difficult situations which teach them, in some cases, how to be serious and successful in their work lives.

Summing up, the advantages of voluntary military training are far outweigh the disadvantages, from my point of view, because while we are capable to of protecting our country by achieving success in any field in which we work, there is no necessity necessary of the compulsory military training.
I do not understand what your position is. Do you mean to say that if you become an accountant or a lawyer you somehow will protect your country?

I am looking to achieve 7,,,
so please, can u correct it.

The grammar and sentence construction is acceptable. I believe that you should have developed your theme more. Pay a bit more attention to the use of articles and you should go well on your tests.

[yasser000]

Hi Gillnetter,

Thinks for your correction

When you say "harness", what does this mean to you? Are you saying that people should be used depending on what they can do the best?

Yes, this what I mean.

I do not understand what your position is. Do you mean to say that if you become an accountant or a lawyer you somehow will protect your country?

Yes, I mean that protecting a country does not limited only on carrying a gun, but also by achieving success in the other fields.


Can you please tell me how much I can get in this essay.

[Gillnetter]

Hi Gillnetter,

Thinks for your correction



Yes, this what I mean.



Yes, I mean that protecting a country does not limited only on carrying a gun, but also by achieving success in the other fields.


Can you please tell me how much I can get in this essay.

Your grammar is fine and your sentence construction is good. You should get the score you want, if you pay attention to articles. When you use a noun decide if it requires an article -

The car is green. Article required because you are talking about one car.
Hell is hot. No article required because Hell is uncountable.
Saudi youth. No article required because Saudi youth is uncountable.
The Saudi youth of the north. Article required because you are talking about a specific group.

Good luck!