Writing Part 2 Story "from Vocabulary for FCE"

[elvis93]

Good evening guys!!!
Could you check this story for me and tell me some opinions about it(level B2=FCE)?

The story must begin with the following sentence: Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window.


Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window.
He saw a man outraging a young woman. The man was wearing a black jacket and dark jeans while the fair-haired woman was wearing a rose skirt.
She had a very frightened and a tearful face.
Jakob didn't know what to do. If he called the police, they would arrive to late and the woman would be wounded too much.
So he ran out of his room and went towards the girl intending to help her.
He managed to save her and he told the spiteful person that a man who attacks physically a woman, not only is coward but loses completely his dignity and honour.
Finally,Jakob suggested him to run away because the police were arriving(he obviously was bluffing)
The woman thanked him with all her heart and after the indictment and the court decision, she could at last live in peace and quiet.

[Gillnetter]

Good evening guys!!!
Could you check this story for me and tell me some opinions about it(level B2=FCE)?

The story must begin with the following sentence: Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window.


Jakob was absolutely furious when he saw what was going on outside his window.
He saw a man outraging a young woman. The man was wearing a black jacket and dark jeans while the fair-haired woman was wearing a rose skirt.
She had a very frightened and a tearful face.
Jakob didn't know what to do. If he called the police, they would arrive to too late and the woman would be wounded too much.
So he ran out of his room and went towards the girl, intending to help her.
He managed to save her and he told the spiteful person that a man who attacks physically attacks a woman, not only is coward but loses completely loses his dignity and honour.
Finally, Jakob suggested him to that the man should run away because the police were arriving(he obviously was bluffing)
The woman thanked him with all her heart and after the indictment and the court decision, she could at last live in peace and quiet.

Gil

[Barb_D]

I think your word choice of "outraging a young woman" is not what you had in mind, if you mean he was physically hurting her. It would hard to tell he was causing her outrage simply by looking out the window of his house.

[elvis93]

Ok Thank you =)

[Tdol]

You could look at your paragraphing- there are a lot of single-sentence paragraphs, which make the text a bit disjointed.