Writing Part 2 Report "from Unit 9 TOTAL FCE Language Maximiser"

[elvis93]

Good evening guys!!!
Could you please correct my report? It's the first report I've ever written so I'll be grateful to you if you give me your opinions about what I should improve.
Thank you in advance


That is the task:
Your school intends to open a café/shop for students and staff on the school's premises.
The headmaster has asked your class to conduct a survey and write a report.
He wants to know waht students and teachers would like the shop to sell,when it should be open and where in the school it should be situated.






This is my answer:




To: Mr Fox, headmaster of the “Pearl High School”
From: Elvis Hysa, student
Date: 12 August 2010
Subject: The results of the survey about the C4 café-shop


The purpose of this report is to give information about students' and teachers' requests which are related to the C4 opening.
I have recently conducted a survey which shows the following results.


1 Items which should be sold


The majority of requested items relates to the school material such as pens, pencils, rubbers, pencil cases and so on.
It would be also perfect if, beyond selling these items, C4 staff could serve some sneaks which might be had by students during the coffee break.
On the other hand, it is also true that at the beginning it may be a bit expensive but if the project works well, the school will only take advantages.


2 Ideal location and time opening


Students agree with teachers about the venue convenience.
Consequently, in our opinion, it would be worth setting the C4 in the middle of the school, at the third floor, in order to be equidistant from all the classrooms.
Finally, it would be better to open the C4 on 1 October in order to get its services for all the school year.

[atul4]

The society is facing problems with such laws. This has to go legal
and it’s needed to be sorted at the earlier.
---------

[elvis93]

Sorry I didn't understand what you mean with this sentence.
In any case I have just asked kindly if someone could correct this report in order to help me.
I'd be grateful to you if you explain to me what your statement has to do with my report.

[Gillnetter]

Good evening guys!!!
Could you please correct my report? It's the first report I've ever written so I'll be grateful to you if you give me your opinions about what I should improve.
Thank you in advance


That is the task:
Your school intends to open a café/shop for students and staff on the school's premises.
The headmaster has asked your class to conduct a survey and write a report.
He wants to know waht students and teachers would like the shop to sell,when it should be open and where in the school it should be situated.


This is my answer:

To: Mr Fox, headmaster, of the Pearl High School
From: Elvis Hysa, student
Date: 12 August 2010
Subject: The results of the survey about the C4 café-shop


The purpose of this report is to give information about students' and teachers' requests which are related to the C4 opening.
I have recently conducted a survey which shows the following results.
I have recently conducted a survey concerning the proposed C4. The following are the results of that survey.

#1. Items which should be sold


The majority of requested items relates to the school materials such as pens, pencils, rubbers, pencil cases and so on other school related items (It's better not to use "and so on" and "etc." if possible.).
It would be also be perfect nice if, beyond selling these items, C4 staff could serve some sneaks snacks which might be had by students during the coffee breaks.
On the other hand, it is also true that, at the beginning, it may be a bit expensive (The C4 may be a bit expensive for the school? - You should clarify what "it" is and who or what it will be expensive for.), but if the project works well, it will be advantageous to the school. the school will only take advantages.


#2. Ideal location and time opening time


The students agree with the teachers about the venue convenience (This is a confusing term. I suggest that you reword this to something like, "location of the venue". it would even be better to drop the word "venue" and call it a "store" or "shop".".
Consequently, in our (You started with "I" conducted a survery and now you introduce "our". Who are the other people?) opinion, it would be worth setting the C4 in the middle of the school, at on the third floor, in order to be equidistant from all the classrooms.
Finally, it would be better to open the C4 on 1 October in order to get its services for all so it can be open all of the school year.

Using a # sign in front of numbers is a stylistic choice. There are many different ways to format this. Once you decide on a format, use it throughout the text.

[elvis93]

Thank You very much Gil for correcting it.
I will try writing less awful reports.(this one was absolutely catastrophic but maybe I'll have the opportunity to improve thanks to your helpful corrections). :D