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Thread: Please, could you proofread my text

  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Member
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    Default Please, could you proofread my text

    Please, could you proofread my text:

    If Marcus had been in a better state of mind, he would have probably listened to advice he had received from the social workers and the police, but his eyes had already seen grownups behaving badly and irrationally that his brain simply refused to listen to them.

    So some days later he was on the same path again. Soon he broke into the office of a private accounting firm and after searching through the rooms and cupboards the only valuable thing he found was a black laptop which he took with him. Later in his room when he switched it on and searched through the folder called “documents” he discovered the owner’s private pictures.

    He was a man in his forties, with two teenage daughters and a beautiful wife who were smiling widely from dozens of photographs taken in different places and seasons. Marcus felt a pang of sorrow. Here was the family happiness immortalized for the ages. They were experiencing something beautiful which would forever be denied to him. He knew that even if one day he would be wallowing in money, a feeling of loss would still be present in his mind reminding him of his painful childhood.

    At one moment he felt a twinge of regret for having stolen the laptop and thought of bringing it back to the office, but he was afraid that someone would see him and call the police. The owner was going to be sad and certainly curse the person who took his possession - an intruder into his private world. In the end, Marcus sold it and for the money he had received he bought himself a second-hand moped.

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    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please, could you proofread my text

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please, could you proofread my text:

    If Marcus had been in a better state of mind, he would have probably listened to the advice he had received from the social workers and the police, but his eyes had already seen grownups behaving so badly and irrationally that his brain simply refused to listen to them.

    So, some days later he was on the same path again. Soon he broke into the office of a private accounting firm and after searching through the rooms and cupboards the only valuable thing he found was a black laptop which he took with him. Later in his room when he switched it on and searched through the folder called “documents” he discovered the owner’s private pictures.

    He was a man in his forties, with two teenage daughters and a beautiful wife who were smiling widely from dozens of photographs taken in different places and seasons. Marcus felt a pang of sorrow. Here was the family happiness immortalized for the ages. They were experiencing something beautiful which would forever be denied to him. He knew that, even if one day he would be wallowing in money, a feeling of loss would still be present in his mind, reminding him of his painful childhood.

    At one moment he felt a twinge of regret for having stolen the laptop and thought of bringing it back to the office, but he was afraid that someone would see him and call the police. The owner was going to be sad and certainly curse the person who took his possession - an intruder into his private world. In the end, Marcus sold it and for the money he had received he bought himself a second-hand moped.
    The distinction between the laptop and its pictures and a used moped is quite powerful.
    Bassim likes this.

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please, could you proofread my text

    Dear Gill.

    Thank you so much for helping me.

    God bless you.

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