Looking for honest critique

[KMReifsnider]

Please read my story and let me what needs to be changed. I will also appreciate it if I could get a general impression of my writing in general. I am tryting to determine if I have any genuine talent for this and am having a lot of trouble getting any feedback. Thank you for your help

[Gillnetter]

I had a chance to read your story. There is nothing really wrong with it but it lacks something. It reminded me of a report sent it by a social worker - it was rather dry. I believe it would have been better if I had been able to feel some of her emotions or seen what she saw. In other words, don't tell me - show me. Why don't you rewrite it and have the character speak. Don't tell me that children and teachers are mean - show me how they are mean. I want some emotion.

Steinbeck showed how one of his characters felt this way -

Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing.' . . . . I says, 'What's this call, this sperit?' An' I says, 'It's love. I love people so much I'm fit to bust, sometimes.' . . . . I figgered, 'Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe,' I figgered, 'maybe it's all men an' all women we love; maybe that's the Holy Sperit-the human sperit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of.' Now I sat there thinkin' it, an' all of a suddent-I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it.
The Grapes of Wrath

[KMReifsnider]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give me your thoughts on my story. I will consider your suggestions. By the way, this is not a work of fiction, this really happened to me. I found it very cathartic to write it. I also have a work of fiction that I have posted in Ask A Teacher called A Lesson in Strength. I do use dialogue in this story. If you could read that and let me know what you think, I would appreciate it as well.