On Friendship [please check]

[Simosito]

Hi, I wrote a text on friendship for my website (which is now both in Italian and BrE). I'd like to know if I did any mistake:
~~~
Poets have plucked many geese for Love, writers have killed families of trees for Eros, singers have burnt thousands of CD for Pothos.
Nobody ever speaks of Friendship.
And yet it is the purest of feelings: for the cynic Love is an instinct to reproduce, but Friendship? Friendship is too pure and perfect to be rationalised.
«And those "friendships with privileges", then? Do you think they're pure and perfect, too?» the teens (or the fifty-years-old in mid-age crisis) will say, regretting that they have never had a friend so well equipped. That is not Friendship, it is an agreement: I let your hormonal storm quiet down and you save me the troubles, the "hang up you first", the kisses in public, and the stupid poems.
True Friendship is an unbreakable bond, it does not matter how much you quarrel or how far apart you are, that goes beyond death.

How many time you wrote:
"I die!"
in the short time
of our friendship:
spring 1906 - spring 1907
only one year
nor was I in time to see you
for in your death
I had never believed
not even
when I got the news.
But since that day
We began to walk side by side
as if we had met
out of the time: in the air.
After almost a century
my Sergio
nothing among us has changed
and along this path
we keep walking
and talking
because your death
was poetry and nothing else.

(Aldo Palazzeschi ~ Sergio Corrazzini, translated by myself)

Sometimes you recognise a friend at once, sitting on a log chatting for a while is enough. Sometimes you need a while to understand that you have found the keeper for all your secrets, to know that you will always be forgiven, it does not matter how selfish and cynical you will be.
During our lives we lose many friends for neglect or fault[?], but the time spent together will last forever.
~~~

Thank you,
S~

[Gillnetter]

Hi, I wrote a text on friendship for my website (which is now both in Italian and BrE). I'd like to know if I did made any mistakes:
~~~
Poets have plucked many geese for love, writers have killed families of trees for Eros, singers have burnt thousands of CDs for Pothos (Pathos?).
Nobody ever speaks of friendship.
And yet it is the purest of feelings: for the cynic, love is an instinct to reproduce, but friendship? Friendship is too pure and perfect to be rationalised.
«And those "friendships with privileges", (I don't understand the "privileges" part.) then? Do you think they're pure and perfect, too?» the teens (or the fifty-years-old in mid-age mid-life crisis) will say, regretting that they have never had a friend so well equipped (Unclear meaning here. Equipped means to have something extra, such as, "I was well equipped to climb the mountain. I had ropes and a tent." It might be better to write, "...that they never had such a friend, a friend so able and willing to help.). That is not friendship, it is an agreement: I let your hormonal storm quiet down and you save me the troubles (This part needs some work - what sort of troubles?), the "hang up you first "you hang up first", the kisses in public, and the stupid poems.
True friendship is an unbreakable bond, it does not matter how much you quarrel or how far apart you are, that friendship goes beyond death.

How many times have you wrote?
"I die!"
in the short time
of our friendship:
spring 1906 - spring 1907
only one year
nor was I in time to see you
for in your death
I had never believed
not even
when I got the news.
But since that day
We began to walk side by side
as if we had met
out of the time: in the air.
After almost a century
my Sergio
nothing among between us has changed
and along this path
we keep walking
and talking
because your death
was poetry and nothing else.

(Aldo Palazzeschi ~ Sergio Corrazzini, translated by myself)

Sometimes you recognise a friend at once, sitting on a log chatting for a while is enough. Sometimes you need a while to understand that you have found the keeper for all your secrets, to know that you will always be forgiven, it does not matter how selfish and cynical you will be are. During our lives we lose many friends for neglect or fault[?], but the time spent together will last forever.
~~~

Thank you,
S~

This still needs some editing. Poetry has a certain license to play with the language but it still has to make sense to the average reader. You might want to expand a bit on some of this - particulary the part about friendship privileges.

[Simosito]

Pothos => minor Greek god
CDs =>
"friendship with privileges" => it should be an AmE way to call those friends one can sleep with (I've heard that on TV and read in a book by an Italian-American journalist).
"equipped" => In the Italian text it was "accessoriato", as in "This car sure is well equipped" (is that how one says a car has a lot of extra stuff?)
mid-life =>
Friendship => anthropomorphism (as in "Love hit me with its power")
troubles => didn't know how to say that. I meant all those annoying things that happen when you're in a relationship with somebody.
"you hang up first" =>
"that" => Like in "The rose is a flower, we call flowers some plants, that grows..." (this should be correct, I think I've found this construction somewhere, maybe a text from the 1880s)
"have you wrote?": (why not written?). This was not a question, it's an exclamation as in "how lucky you are!"
"Between": why not among?
"will be": one is not cynical right now, but he knows he'll be one day or another
fault: this one's right, isn't it?

Thank you very much for your time,
S~

[Gillnetter]

Hi, I wrote a text on friendship for my website (which is now both in Italian and BrE). I'd like to know if I did any mistake:
~~~
Poets have plucked many geese for Love, writers have killed families of trees for Eros, singers have burnt thousands of CD for Pothos (Yes, Pothos was the Greek god of desire. The problem is that this god was so minor that most people (including myself) are not familiar with him. If you are going to use this type of reference you should mention names that the majority of educated readers would be familiar with.)
Nobody ever speaks of Friendship.
And yet it is the purest of feelings: for the cynic Love is an instinct to reproduce, but Friendship? Friendship is too pure and perfect to be rationalised.
«And those "friendships with privileges", then? Do you think they're pure and perfect, too?» (Friendship with privileges might be used in the US but it is not widespread. My first thought was related to renting a room with privileges - the renter gets to use the kitchen. the teens (or the fifty-years-old in mid-age crisis) will say, regretting that they have never had a friend so well equipped (It could be used the way you wrote this but it would be uncommon. One could say that a person was well equipped for the job - training, education, etc. The sentence needs more qualification - how well equipped? Equipped in what sense? How about, "...friend so well equipped to help", this at least clears up the question of what equipped means.). That is not Friendship, it is an agreement: I let your hormonal storm quiet down and you save me the troubles, the "hang up you first", the kisses in public, and the stupid poems.
True Friendship is an unbreakable bond, it does not matter how much you quarrel or how far apart you are, that goes beyond death.

How many time you wrote:
"I die!"
in the short time
of our friendship:
spring 1906 - spring 1907
only one year
nor was I in time to see you
for in your death
I had never believed
not even
when I got the news.
But since that day
We began to walk side by side
as if we had met
out of the time: in the air.
After almost a century
my Sergio
nothing among us has changed (The grammar rule is that between is used for two and among is used for more than two - this is a secret between us two, this is a secret among the three of us.
and along this path
we keep walking
and talking
because your death
was poetry and nothing else.

(Aldo Palazzeschi ~ Sergio Corrazzini, translated by myself)

Sometimes you recognise a friend at once, sitting on a log chatting for a while is enough. Sometimes you need a while to understand that you have found the keeper for all your secrets, to know that you will always be forgiven, it does not matter how selfish and cynical you will be (Well...it could be used this way but it would be clearer if you wrote,"...cynical you will be in the future." Just to write, "...you will be", makes the reader think that "are" should have been used.
During our lives we lose many friends for neglect or fault[?], but the time spent together will last forever.
~~~
Pothos => minor Greek god
CDs =>
"friendship with privileges" => it should be an AmE way to call those friends one can sleep with (I've heard that on TV and read in a book by an Italian-American journalist).
"equipped" => In the Italian text it was "accessoriato", as in "This car sure is well equipped" (is that how one says a car has a lot of extra stuff?)
mid-life =>
Friendship => anthropomorphism (as in "Love hit me with its power")
troubles => didn't know how to say that. I meant all those annoying things that happen when you're in a relationship with somebody. (You're trying to make it too short. You have to define the troubles. "All of those annoying things that happen when you're in a relationship", sounds good to me - at least I understand what you are talking about.)
"you hang up first" =>
"that" => Like in "The rose is a flower, we call flowers some plants, that grows..." (this should be correct, I think I've found this construction somewhere, maybe a text from the 1880s) (I'm unsure of what you mean here. There seems to be an issue of restrictive and nonresrictive clauses here. If the clause is needed for the sentence to make sense, use "what". If the clause is merely additional information, use "which". For you example to make sense to me it should have been written, "The rose is a flower, we call some plants flowers - the rest of the sentence doesn't make any sense to me.)
"have you wrote?": (why not written?). This was not a question, it's an exclamation as in "how lucky you are!"
"Between": why not among?
"will be": one is not cynical right now, but he knows he'll be one day or another
fault: this one's right, isn't it? Yes - I struck out the question mark.


Thank you,
S~

Gikl