need a review form a native English speaker

[AlinaB]

Hello everybody,

I need help with one of my articles I'm writing for suite101.com. My editor asked me to obtain a review from a native English speaker, to improve the article quality and get rid off the awkward words or phrases. Can you help me? I can not post my article here. It has more than 500 words. If you are willing to help me, please let me know.

Many thanks.
Alina

[Gillnetter]

Hello everybody,

I need help with one of my articles I'm writing for suite101.com. My editor asked me to obtain a review from a native English speaker, to improve the article quality and get rid off the awkward words or phrases. Can you help me? I can not post my article here. It has more than 500 words. If you are willing to help me, please let me know.

Many thanks.
Alina

I suggest that you break it into two or three parts and then post them.

[AlinaB]

Thank you for your answer. I will try to post my article in 3 parts. My article is currently off-line pending more style corrections.I hope it is safe to put it here...

Best Ski Resorts for Christmas and Winter Vacation

Prepare yourself for a special winter holiday. Choose from the best ski resorts in the world to spend Christmas or winter vacation with your family.

A ski resorts is the perfect place for you to spend a white Christmas. Your family will be happy skiing, ice skating or just playing in the snow. If you’ve barely practiced winter sports until now, here is your chance to get really good at it. No matter where you live, you will surely find one ski destination fairly close to your surroundings. Everybody has a favorite one, but, this year, you could even go to some new place pointed down on your map. Check out the following list and choose your brand new destination. Don’t just look for skiing opportunities, discover after-skiing delights, dining places or activities you might try when you want to skip a day on the slopes.
Breckenridge, Colorado, United States
The best thing about Breckenridge Ski Resort is the Imperial Express. This is the highest chair lift in North America, and it takes riders at almost 13.000 feet over the sea level. The panoramic view astounds all tourists. You can see the town of Breckenridge, Baldy Mountain, Lake Dillon and even Keystone Ski Resort. Only advanced and expert skiers should have the courage to try Peak’s 8 slopes.
Even though you are not an experienced ski rider, you will surely find something to do. According to Ski Magazine, Breckenridge Ski Resort opened the Gold Runner this fall - a 2.500-foot long alpine coaster. Take a ride and have fun with the whole family.
Breckenridge Ski Resort has many options for fun activities. Those who want to feel a real North Pole adventure must try dog sledding with Siberian Huskies. If you’ve had enough skiing or snowboarding for one day, you can take a step back in time and learn about the history of the town only by strolling down the Main Street

Big White, British Columbia, Canada
Big White Ski Resort will enchant expert skiers. Canadians speak with pride about their famous resort. It has hundreds of acres of skiable land and quite impressive slopes. Yet, snow is Big White’s motto. The resort boasts with an average of 750 cm (24.5 feet) of its annual snowfall. However, there are many other reasons to choose Big White. The resort official web pagegives you 10 reasons to go there, especially if you have kids. The Kids’ Centre is one big playground and guarantees an eventless vacation for the parents as well.
If you are young and looking for adventure, Big White has something in for you too. Snow tubing, ice skating, snowmobile rides, sleigh rides in wilderness or night skiing are its main attractions.

[AlinaB]

second part of best ski resorts article

Chamonix, France
In Chamonix, you can ski no matter the weather conditions. This resort has 11 separate ski areas, available for all types of winter sports: skiing, snowboarding and off-track skiing. There are many choices for those who feel adventurous, too, the notorious slopes of Mont Blanc await. Try off-track skiing, hang gliding and ice climbing on glaciers. However, if the weather is bad, and you are not looking for extreme skiing, you can always choose the family resort Les Houches, a small town in the Charmonix valley. “Afternoons can be spent at the husky dog park, goat farm, mountain railways and a tree-top adventure playground”, writes Gemma Bows in the January 16, 2010, The Guardian article "Family friendly ski resorts" .
Kitzbuhel, Austria
For more than a century,Kitzbuhel has been presented on the world’s ski map as an exquisite location. The best skiers come to compete every year on Streif, which is the most difficult downhill run in the world. Thousands of tourists come to see the contest, and you should better avoid Kitzbuhel in January, if you plan to spend your holidays quietly.
In Kitzbuhel, you can opt for elegant hotels or cozy guesthouses as accommodation. You will appreciate their unique combination of historic architecture and modern services.
Kitzbuhel is both a charming alpine village and an up-to-date ski resort. Skiing is the main sport, but you can also try ice curling, the mini bob or sledging on excellent toboggans. If this is your first vacation in a ski resort, you will also find instructors to teach you how to ski.

[Gillnetter]

Thank you for your answer. I will try to post my article in 3 parts. My article is currently off-line pending more style corrections.I hope it is safe to put it here...

Best Ski Resorts for Christmas and Winter Vacation

Prepare yourself for a special winter holiday. Choose from the best ski resorts in the world to spend Christmas or winter vacation with your family.

A ski resorts resort (resort is one place, resorts are more than one) is the perfect place for you to spend a white Christmas. Your family will be happy skiing, ice skating or just playing in the snow. If you’ve barely practiced winter sports until now, here is your chance to get really good at it. No matter where you live, you will surely find one ski destination fairly close to your surroundings (It's a long distance from southern Florida to anyplace where one can ski.). Everybody (Not everyone - some people don't like cold weather)has a favorite one, but, this year, you could even go to some new place pointed down on your map. Check out the following list and choose your brand new destination. Don’t just look for skiing opportunities, discover after-skiing delights, dining places or activities you might try when you want to skip for a day on the slopes.
Breckenridge, Colorado, United States
The best thing about Breckenridge Ski Resort is the Imperial Express. This is the highest chair lift in North America, and it takes riders at to almost 13.000 feet over the above sea level. The panoramic view astounds all tourists. You can see the town of Breckenridge, Baldy Mountain, Lake Dillon and even Keystone Ski Resort. Only advanced and expert skiers should have the courage to try Peak’s 8 slopes.
Even though you are not an experienced ski rider, you will surely find something to do. According to Ski Magazine, Breckenridge Ski Resort opened the Gold Runner this fall - a 2.500-foot long alpine coaster. Take a ride and have fun with the whole family.
Breckenridge Ski Resort has many options for fun activities. Those who want to feel a real North Pole adventure must try dog sledding with Siberian Huskies. If you’ve had enough skiing or snowboarding for one day, you can take a step back in time and learn about the history of the town only by strolling down the Main Street. (Main Steet is capitalized if it is the name of the street. If you are referring to the major street it is not capitalized - main street.)

Big White, British Columbia, Canada
Big White Ski Resort will enchant expert skiers. Canadians speak with pride about their famous resort. It has hundreds of acres of skiable land and quite impressive slopes. Yet, snow is Big White’s motto. The resort boasts with an average of 750 cm (24.5 feet) of its annual snowfall. However, there are many other reasons to choose Big White. The resort official web page gives you 10 reasons to go there, especially if you have kids. The Kids’ Centre is one big playground and guarantees an eventless (Did you really mean to say that the parents will have a vacation with no events?) vacation for the parents as well.
If you are young and looking for adventure, Big White has something in for you too. Snow tubing, ice skating, snowmobile rides, sleigh rides in wilderness or night skiing are its main attractions.

I suggest that you shy away from such words as: everyone, all and every.

[Gillnetter]

second part of best ski resorts article

Chamonix, France
In Chamonix, you can ski no matter the weather conditions (Think about this for a moment. Can you ski in August when the temperature is 80 degrees?). This resort has 11 separate ski areas, available for all types of winter sports: skiing, snowboarding and off-track skiing. There are many choices for those who feel adventurous, too, the notorious slopes of Mont Blanc await. Try off-track skiing, hang gliding and ice climbing on glaciers. However, if the weather is bad, and if you are not looking for extreme skiing, you can always choose the family resort Les Houches, a small town in the Charmonix valley. “Afternoons can be spent at the husky dog park, goat farm, mountain railways and a tree-top adventure playground”, writes Gemma Bows in the January 16, 2010, The Guardian article "Family friendly ski resorts" .
Kitzbuhel, Austria
For more than a century,Kitzbuhel has been presented on the world’s ski map as an exquisite location. The best skiers come to compete every year on Streif, which is the most difficult downhill run in the world. Thousands of tourists come to see the contest, and you should better avoid Kitzbuhel in January, if you plan to spend your holidays quietly.
In Kitzbuhel, you can opt for elegant hotels or cozy guesthouses as for accommodations. You will appreciate their unique combination of historic architecture and modern services.
Kitzbuhel is both a charming alpine village and an up-to-date ski resort. Skiing is the main sport, but you can also try ice curling, the mini bob or sledging on excellent toboggans. If this is your first vacation in a ski resort, you will also find instructors to teach you how to ski.

Gil

[AlinaB]

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I believe I’ve made some of them because I usually create my ideas in Romanian and not in English. I will make some changes and hope my text will look better.
I still need one more piece of advice...Do you think I need more adjectives or more elaborate words in my text? What can I do to learn more about writing with style. I believe this will come after years of writing in English, but I still need some quick tips.
I love writing. I’m currently a news editor for a radio station in Bucharest and I enjoy what I do. I also want to be a better writer ...in English.

[Gillnetter]

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I believe I’ve made some of them because I usually create my ideas in Romanian and not in English. I will make some changes and hope my text will look better.
I still need one more piece of advice...Do you think I need more adjectives or more elaborate words in my text? What can I do to learn more about writing with style. I believe this will come after years of writing in English, but I still need some quick tips.
I love writing. I’m currently a news editor for a radio station in Bucharest and I enjoy what I do. I also want to be a better writer ...in English.

Your writing style is fine. I wouldn’t be concerned about adding more adjectives or using more elaborate words – say what you want to say in basic language. Remember that your target audience probably is not all that sophisticated and are used to a certain set of words. The American author, John Steinbeck, noted that when writing a novel the author should use words that are familiar to a person in the seventh grade – about 13 years old.
I suggest that you continuously read travel related materials. An interesting one (and it can be found on the web) is the Westways Magazine – aaa-calif.com/Westways. For a different type of writing you may want to read some of the Lonely Planet books – lonelyplanet.com

Here are some problems I found in your text:

Only advanced and expert skiers should have the courage to try Peak’s 8 slopes.
Rewrite – Only advanced skiers should attempt Peak 8’s slopes
Comment – Advanced and expert seem to be the same thing. It is not a matter or courage, though courage may be required, it is more of a matter of experience.

Even though you are not an experienced ski rider, you will surely find something to do.
Rewrite – Even though you are not an experience skier, you will surely find many interesting things to do – shopping, skating, dining, and maybe even learning more about skiing.
Comment – I’m not sure what a “ski rider” is. The part about finding something to do is too “loose”. Try to give concrete examples.

For more than a century Kitzbuhel has been presented on the world’s ski map as an exquisite location.
Rewrite - For more than a century Kitzbuhel has been the star on the world’s ski map and is well known as the place where real skiers go to ski.
Comment – Exquisite has too many meanings to be used in this sentence.

If this is your first vacation in a ski resort, you will also find instructors to teach you how to ski.
Rewrite – If this is the first time you have tried to ski, you will find many instructors who can teach you how to ski.
Comment – Taking a vacation in a ski resort does not necessarily mean that you go there to ski. I suggest that you move the language about a bit and direct the reader to the sport of skiing.

The panoramic view astounds all tourists.
Rewrite – The captivating panoramic view is awe inspiring.
Comment – Stay away from “all”. You have no idea of what will or will not astound everyone, or even a particular person.

The best thing about Breckenridge Ski Resort is the Imperial Express.
Rewrite – One of the more exciting attractions in Breckenridge is the Imperial Express.
Comment – Having been to Breckenridge myself, I thought the ice sculptures were among the best things in the resort.

[AlinaB]

Thank you very much for your posts. You are a huge help for me. I will follow your tips and I will try to read more (thanks for the suggestions). I’ll keep you updated and I’ll tell you if my article is online again.

I am a journalist and I know how important is to give correct information. I’ve started writing for suite101 in July, and I realised it is a big difference between editing news (in Romanian) and online writing in a foreign language.

Thanks again,
Alina

[AlinaB]

My article about Best Ski Resorts is back on-line. Thank you for your help. Your suggestions were great.