Can you help me find out the mistakes in my essay. I am going to take the TOEFL test, I will be really appreciated.
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: a zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.
Why many governments of many countries around the world build zoos. Of course, this is because zoos bring a lot of advantages to human communities. For example, governments can use zoos as places to protect endangered species. Zoos are tourist places that attract a lot of people. Furthermore, zoos even have educational role in educating young generation.
First of all, many governments use zoos as places to protect endangered animals. A vivid example is the US. About a few decades ago, the number of individuals of giant eagle decreased alarmingly. In some period, the number of giant eagles left in the world was only around 500. It was very hard for them to survive without human assistance. In this concern, the US government decided to take them into zoos to protect them, and used some methods to increase its population. The result was very good, after a period of time, giant eagle population increased significantly. Now, they are no longer an endangered species.
Secondly, zoos are really good places for tourists. Actually, with many people, especially children, zoos are their favorite tourist destinations. In many vacations, some people take their families to zoos to visit. They feel really relaxed when they can see animals that usually live in the wild such as elephants, lions and so on. For example, when I was a child I was really happy whenever my father took me to a zoo. I felt really excited when I could see a big elephant using its proboscis to grasp branches, or a gentle panda eating bamboo.
Last but not least, zoos play an important role in education. Zoos are the places where people can learn about habits of wild animals that they probably never see in the real life. Zoos are even more important to children because these are places where children can see live examples of wild animals that they learn in school. If children only see wild animals in pictures or movies, they may feel bored about studying. However, if they can see by their own eyes how big and strong an elephant is, how beautiful a peacock is, they will realize that the world is fantastic. Hence, they will be more excited about studying.
In a nutshell, zoos can bring a lot of benefits to human community. They can help us protect endangered animals. Zoos are also a very important choice of many tourists. Furthermore, zoos even take part in educating young generation. From all these things, I hope that government in my country will build more zoos for its citizens.
Re: zoos' importance
Hi! Glad to meet you here, for I'm planning to take TOEFL too. Apparently, my English is not good enough to correct your essay, but I have one suggestion for your essay.
When it said "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement", I think the first thing you should do is to answer its question, that is to take a position. However in your essay, it was not quite clear that whether you agree or disagree with its opnion, but started to anwser why it's important directly.
To me, this topic is indeed a tough question. Actually, the first thing I want to ask is: how do you define "useful"? And this was becoming a truely philosophical question. But if I wrote my essay like this in TOEFL, I'll be dead. For they will say this is "off the point". In TOEFL, they simply expect you to write like a elementary student. What a shame!
Re: zoos' importance
thank you for commenting.
It will be helpful for me.
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