Linking statements

[boozl]

A problem that often gets me 'wound up' is linking simple sentances/state ments and converting them into comprehendible English:

I am due to go on Holiday to Spain on monday.
My wife and sons are coming with me.
My daughter is staying at home.
The weather forcast is not good for Monday so the flight may be cancelled.
If the flight is cancelled I will get a complete refund.
Other airports are open but do not have direct flights to resorts within our budget.
The children will be gutted if the holiday is cancelled
My brother has a holiday home in Devon.
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I need to email my brother, explain the situation to him and enquire as to the availibility of his holiday home.

Dave,
Helen, the Boys and me, are due to fly to Spain on Monday but the weather is terrible out there at the moment. I have been warned that the resorts airport could be closed for several days. We have all been looking forward to this holiday for weeks, Dave and Bill especialy, so I am determined to take them on a holiday somewhere, where ever that may be?
I have taken out an insurance policy, so If the flight is cancelled I will get a total refund, but this will not leave me with enough money to pay for another holiday abroad. If your Holiday home is unoccupied next week, could I pay you the going rate and travel down to Devon and have a weeks holiday there? Could you let me know as soon as possible to give me time to sort something else out if this is not possible.

Thanks for your time

Boozl

[Gillnetter]

A problem that often gets me 'wound up' is linking simple sentances/state ments and converting them into comprehendible English:

I am due to go on Holiday to Spain on Monday.
My wife and sons are coming with me.
My daughter is staying at home.
The weather forcast is not good for Monday, so the flight may be cancelled.
If the flight is cancelled I will get a complete refund.
Other airports are open but do not have direct flights to resorts within our budget.
The children will be gutted if the holiday is cancelled. I hope not! To be gutted means to have your stomach slit open.
My brother has a holiday home in Devon.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

I need to email my brother, explain the situation to him and enquire as to the availibility of his holiday home.

Dave,
Helen, the boys and me, are due to fly to Spain on Monday but the weather is terrible out there at the moment. I have been warned that the resort's airport could be closed for several days. We have all been looking forward to this holiday for weeks, Dave and Bill especialy, so I am determined to take them on a holiday somewhere, where ever that may be?
I have taken out an insurance policy, so If the flight is cancelled I will get a total refund, but this will not leave me with enough money to pay for another holiday abroad. If your holiday home is unoccupied next week, could I pay you the going rate and travel down to Devon and have a weeks holiday there? Could you let me know as soon as possible to give me time to sort something else out if this is not possible.

Thanks for your time

Boozl

Seems to be fine to me. What problems do you see?