Help!

[Kaka&Cooper]

hi,guys.could I get you a second ?I have a short essay wanting your correction.I'm not satisfied with the diction and coherence.Thank you all~

as follows:


My View on the Post-graduate Craze
Most recently,the post-graduate craze is sweeping Australia,in which college graduates and even working students actively participate.
There are several reasons contributing to such a phenomenon.For one thing,new graduates have to face the grinding fact that the job market is still shrinking due to the economic downturn,meaning that jobs are at a premium and thus everyone is jostling for a certain position.As the cutthroat competition remains,some prospective graduates try hard to seek a master's degree in order
to prepare themselves for better job opportunities .For another ,there are people who may think the bachelor's degrees are inflated since undergraduates in contemporary society are so prevailing .It follows that they will not enjoy any invincible advantages.As well as the above reasons ,there is no denying that some others are just following sheep without a clear goal and commitment to continue schooling.In other words,they deem the post-graduate programs as a mere fad.
As far as I'm concerned,I'm going in for a master's degree in electrical engineering,which is a good option for me to enhance future career and provides me with knowledge along with practical experiences required by the potential working positions.

[Kaka&Cooper]

nice short

[Gillnetter]

hi,guys.could I get you a second ?I have a short essay wanting your correction.I'm not satisfied with the diction and coherence.Thank you all~

as follows:


My view on the post-graduate craze (There is no reason to capitalize any of these words.)
Most recently, (Insert a space after a comma.) the post-graduate craze is sweeping Australia, in which college graduates and even working students actively participate.
There are several reasons contributing to such a phenomenon.(Space)For one thing,(Space) new graduates have to face the grinding fact that the job market is still shrinking due to the economic downturn,(Space)meaning that jobs are at a premium and, thus, everyone is jostling for a certain position (Everyone, of course, includes babies, retired persons, doctors, and everyone else in the country.).(Space)As the cutthroat competition remains,(Space)some prospective graduates try hard to seek a master's degree in order to prepare themselves for better job opportunities.(Space)For another,(Space)there are people who may think the bachelor's degrees are inflated since undergraduates in contemporary society are so prevailing. (Space)It follows that they will not enjoy any invincible advantages.(Space)As well as the above reasons,(Space)there is no denying that some others are just following like sheep, without a clear goal and commitment to continue schooling.(Space)In other words,they deem the post-graduate programs as a mere fad.
As far as I'm concerned,(Space)I'm going in for to get a master's degree in electrical engineering,(Space)which is a good option for me to enhance my future career and provides me with knowledge along with practical experiences required by the potential working positions.

Gil

[Kaka&Cooper]

Gil

I guess something went wrong with the automatic typeset.'My view on the post-graduate craze 'actually is the title.Anyway,tons of thanks for your patience.