Please check my IELTS essay and asses it

[ekologic]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

In human history there were a lot of great people, from scientists to kings, because of whose actions , which occurred in the past, the picture of the contemporary world is based upon them and such persons still present among us. The questions whether people are born talented or they acquire it from childhood remains as a source of vivid disputes among all walks of life. However, it is likely that anyone can become talented in the chosen field and this kind of point of view is based on the following grounds.

First of all, it is necessary to point out in a nutshell who has become successful, through working hard and learning the ins and outs of their activity. For instance, programmers who left their university and did their favorite job, nevertheless some of them are very popular persons and even billionaires. Another example would be sportsmen and women, who spent all their days training, also musicians are not an exception. A person cannot just become successful by doing nothing.

In addition, the other side of this debate claims the contrary of the aforesaid. People usually asses other individuals’ achievements rather than performing actions themselves. Those kinds of people justify that the successful persons are gifted, thus discouraging their opportunities. However there can be exclusions to some extent, furthermore such cases are observed rarely.

Last but not least, if to look at the life of famous sportsmen or musicians, it is obvious that all of them developed their skills from their childhood. Some of them took interest in their future profession themselves and in other cases their parents guided them. The common action they performed was struggling towards their dream.

On the whole, one may conclude that, in order to achieve success, a person has to work hard. No pains, no gains that’s what the proverb says. A man is the architecture of his own fortune, however people understand it late.

[ekologic]

any one plz???

[ekologic]

up

[maddy1]

This could be a 6.0/5.5 essay. You are making it complex and there by what you are conveying is not clear. Check out your grammer.

[johng]

This could be a 6.0/5.5 essay. You are making it complex and there by what you are conveying is not clear. Check out your grammer.

I am not qualified to evaluate an IELTS essay for a score, but maddy1 gives a good evaluation of your writing style. I would further suggest that you use more specific examples instead of general ones. This could help clarify your generalizations.

[ekologic]

thanks for the feedback thats all i needed. Is it appropriate to use proverbs in academic essays? and how many idioms it is preferable to use in a 250 word essay