Please help me proofread this IELTS essay(education in diet)
Education about diet is the most essential feature of a country's health-care programme." Is this a justified assumption?
Give reasons for your answer.
To eat and drink in moderation, it is not an easy thing as many people have ever thought about. Especially, your health significantly depends on regimen. However, is it justified to assume that education in diet is the most essential feature for a country's health-care programme? It is not an easy question to answer but in this essay we will look at the issue.
In the one hand, education in diet is really essential to health of everybody in a country. If you don't have the necessary instructions in regimen, you may have no idea about what kind of food that should be good for your health. Eating and drinking in an inappropriate way, as the result, causes plenty of diseases that are able to harm not only your physical but also your mental. For instance, one of the popular disease in nowaday society, obese, comes from your diet. And after that, you may be get the quite dangerous diseases like diabetes, Parkinson, heart diseases, ... et cetera. The consequence is you can be in paralysis, amnesia and many other symptoms. Even it can seriously lead to the death.
On point in favour of diet is effects that largely affect to many generations in a country. Especially to the young people who will be the major workforce of the country in the future. For example, one country if it wants to be more and more prosperous, it is necessary to develop a good inheriting force that is the reason why education in diet is a very important factor to the country. Moreover, with a good diet, the rates about diseases will decrease and the fund of the government for curing the diseases will not be a big number. As the result, the government can save a large amount of money for investing into other things like poverty reduction, social welfare,... et cetera.
On the other hand, besides education in diet of a health-care programme, a country also has many other things to consider about. That may be a serious deficiency if the government only cares about education in regimen. It should necessarily depend on condition of a country. For example, with a developing country or even a poor country with the diseases and poverty are spreading out in many areas, it doesn't make sense to put education in diet as a top priority in the list. Instead, they should focus more about reducing the high rates of the poverty or issuing the expected policies to inhabitants for improving their life.
In conclusion, education in diet whether or not it is the most essential feature of a country's health-care programme, it should depend on every country with the different conditions. If it is a developed country with a firm economy, education in regime will be the best choice for improving its generations. Conversely, if it is a developing country or a poor country, education in regime shouldn't be put in the top list of the country whereas many other things should be considered first.