[Proofread] ANOTHER complaint letter... gosh I'm such a hater

[HaraKiriBlade]

Well, my dad wants to write a very serious letter to Primus Canada, a phone line provider. I have made my best attempt traslating from his original letter written in Korean, but I just find it quite impossible at my English level. The time setting in the letter goes back and forth, and I had difficulty using the proper tense everytime there's a time shift in the letter. Anyways, it's rather long. Take your time to read this, as I'll just send it to Primus on the coming Monday regardless of whether the proofread's done or not. I merely want this corrected purely for my English study. I've got LOTS and LOTS of questions this time, but because the letter's rather long, I'll write a separate thread just for the questions.

Here it goes:

Dear Sir / Madam,

My name is J.K and I previously 'had' two phone numbers provided by Primus, (123) 456-7890 and (123) 098-7654, respectively.
These two numbers direct to Blah Blyat Variety, 1234 Blue Heron st. The business was sold by Mr. Gnus Nawk on Dec 15, 2004, and I have been the owner ever since.
As I thought Primus' billing was rather ridiculous, I called the customer services on March and told the rep on the phone to do the necessary paperwork because I'm switching the provider. He said that won't be necessary because once I switch the provider the lines would be taken over and Primus would automatically stop billing me. So I called Bell and they were more than happy to make the switch for me. I paid them the installation and transfer fee necessary for making the switch and have been paying them the monthly fee ever since.
But for some reason, Primus, to this date, hasn't stopped billing me for those two lines, which should've been taken over by Bell months ago. Isn't that odd?
I made numerous phone calls and talked to numerous different reps over the next few months from that point, and every time I called they unanimously said they'd do something. Not one of them kept their word.

I also got very frustrated because every time I called the customer services department I had to talk to different reps who had no idea what I was calling about, and each time I had to explain the same story over and over again. Many of who I've talked to seemed to have difficulty understanding the situation I was in. Think about it. How can two different phone line providers charge me for the same line at the same time? If that's difficult for Primus' own reps to understand, you, madam, certainly shouldn't expect us to comprehend this mess.

Ultimately I had to sqeeze a whole day out of my unthinkably busy schedule to visit the Primus office in Etobicoke on May 25, 2005, at about 11:00pm.

I went in, and after explaining the story in brief manner at the reception, I was told to wait, and a moment later confronted by a lady. She was S.B, the account manager if my memory serves. I gave her all the supporting paperworks I brought with (bills, receipts and other documents from both Primus and Bell) and explained the situation, and she said it just can't happen. She told me to excuse her a monent so that she may check with her computer. She came back a while after and said she would further look into the matter and let me know later.

However I wanted to make sure my accounts with Primus were killed for good before I walk out of the office so I told her to cancel my account should it still lingers. She said she would, but I wanted it done in a very clear manner and I told her to bring a cancellation form so that I can autograph and keep a copy of it. She said that wouldn't be necessary, and that she would cancel the accounts right away for sure and keep me informed by phone as things progress. I asked for her name card, and she gave me her name and the office phone number with her extension. She seemed very responsive and coherent at the moment so I took her word for it. I thought well, at least Primus would stop billing me any further and I would take it from there, because the switch was done on March and Primus already charged an extra month worth of bill.

I probably talked to her twice on the phone over the next few weeks after the visit to the office. Each time she said she's still investigating. And in the meanwhile, to my surprise, I received another month worth of bill, still charging for the lines that should've been cancelled by S.B. I had HaraKiriBlade, my son, call her and leave a message to her voicemail. She called back and told him basically the same thing; it's a quite complicated matter and that it will take time so please wait. A few weeks passed and I received yet another month worth of bill, despite the fact that Shawn gave her word to cancel my account on May and that I switched to Bell on March. HaraKiriBlade phoned her again and left another message to her voicemail saying we would take this to court if she doesn't come up with a very good explanation. To this date we haven't heard from her.

I also had Primus account for my previous store and when I sold it on Nov 30 last year I called Primus with the new owner present and we both notified the change of ownership. The rep was allowed to talk to the new owner for confirmation. But even after all that phone call Primus sent bills to my home address until May for this account, and I paid them in oblivion until one day I realized I had been paying the new owner's bill. I state it again, the account, (987) 745-0873 for Lala Cornerstore, should've been transferred to the new owner since Nov 30, 2004. I explained and gave all the supporting documents to S.B when I visited her office so that she may investigate this matter also.

Ok, let me get to the point. I'm suffering from insomnia and stomach ulcer from all the stress and frustration caused by this mess. I believe I have been racially discriminated. I am a Canadian citizen, I fulfill my duty as one by paying all the required taxes. That means I also have rights as a legitimate Canadian citizen, including the right to be heard in sincere manner regardless of race or creed.

I feel I've been treated in very inapproperiate and insincere manner by your reps, by the account manager S.B, and by Primus as whole. I also think I would've been heard more seriously if I wasn't a minority.

One more thing, Primus disconnected one of my business lines, (123) 098-7654, despite the fact that the line has been belonging to Bell all along. The ATM that's connected to the line is out of operation to this date because of the disconnection. I do make a fair bit of sum with it and this is really affecting my business. And if this ever affects my credit score (I'll look it up at Equifax and other credit evaluation bureau) I'll hold Primus accountable for this and launch a six-figure lawsuit. And Primus will also be accountable for whatever S.B failed to do because she works at Primus and she's the account manager.

After some professional proofreading and editing I will send this to wherever possible, be it BBB (Better Business Bureau), FCC, the Customer Services Bureau, the Premier's office, or any committee that fights against racial discrimination. Then, as I said, I will bring this matter to court and hold Primus and certain individuals in it for damaging my business and credit - thereby effectively blocking my future advancement - , fraud and racial discrimination.

Regards,

J.K

Thank you very much!

Oh and could you let me know if you understood the situation my dad is in by reading this letter? if you didn't I obviously failed to effectively translate his letter...

[Tdol]

Dear Sir / Madam,

My name is J.K and(I'd delte this- I can get it from the foot of the letter- I'd start, 'I am writing to complain about the Primus phone numbers I used to have I previously 'had' two phone numbers provided by Primus, (123) 456-7890 and (123) 098-7654, respectively(delete- there's no sequence in a random number).
These two numbers direct (were for Blah Blyat) to Blah Blyat Variety, 1234 Blue Heron st. The business was sold by Mr. Gnus Nawk on Dec 15, 2004, and I have been the owner ever since.
As I thought Primus' billing was rather ridiculous, I called the customer services on March and told the rep on the phone to do the necessary paperwork because I was changing the provider. He said that would not be necessary because once I switched provider the lines would be taken over and Primus would automatically stop billing me. So I called Bell and they were more than happy to make the switch for me. I paid them the installation and transfer fee necessary for the switch and have been paying them the monthly fee ever since.
But for some reason, Primus, to this date, has not stopped billing me for those two lines, which should have been taken over by Bell months ago.
I made numerous phone calls and talked to numerous different reps over the next few months on that point, and every time I called, they unanimously said they would(I would never use a contracted form in a letter) do something. Not one of them kept their word.

I also got very frustrated because every time I called the customer services department I had to talk to different reps, who had no idea what I was calling about, and each time I had to explain the same story over and over again. Many of those I talked to seemed to have difficulty understanding the situation I was in. Think about it. How can two different phone line providers charge me for the same line at the same time? If that's difficult for Primus' own reps to understand, you, madam, certainly shouldn't expect us to comprehend this mess. {I'd remove this}

Ultimately I had to sqeeze a whole day out of my unthinkably busy schedule to visit the Primus office in Etobicoke on May 25, 2005, at about 11:00pm.

I went in, and after explaining the story in brief manner at the reception, I was told to wait, and a moment later confronted by a lady. She was S.B, the account manager if my memory serves. I gave her all the supporting paperworks I brought with (bills, receipts and other documents from both Primus and Bell) and explained the situation, and she said it just can't happen. She told me to excuse her a monent so that she may check with her computer. She came back a while after and said she would further look into the matter and let me know later.

However I wanted to make sure my accounts with Primus were killed for good before I walk out of the office so I told her to cancel my account should it still be there. She said she would, but I wanted it done in a very clear manner and I told her to bring a cancellation form so that I can sign and keep a copy of it. She said that wouldn't be necessary, and that she would cancel the accounts right away for sure and keep me informed by phone as things progress. I asked for her name card, and she gave me her name and the office phone number with her extension. She seemed very responsive and coherent at the moment so I took her word for it. I thought well, at least Primus would stop billing me any further and I would take it from there, because the switch was done in March and Primus already charged an extra month.

I probably talked to her twice on the phone over the next few weeks after the visit to the office. Each time she said she was still investigating. And in the meantime, to my surprise, I received another monthly bill, still charging for the lines that should've been cancelled by S.B. I had HaraKiriBlade, my son, call her and leave a message to her voicemail. She called back and told him basically the same thing; it's a quite complicated matter and that it will take time so please wait. A few weeks passed and I received yet another bill, despite the fact that Shawn gave her word to cancel my account in May and that I switched to Bell in March. HaraKiriBlade phoned her again and left another message to her voicemail saying we would take this to court if she doesn't come up with a very good explanation. To this date we haven't heard from her.

I also had a Primus account for my previous store and when I sold it on Nov 30 last year I called Primus with the new owner present and we both notified the change of ownership. The rep was allowed to talk to the new owner for confirmation. But even after all that phone call, Primus sent bills to my home address until May for this account, and I paid them in oblivion until one day I realized I had been paying the new owner's bill. I state it again, the account, (987) 745-0873 for Lala Cornerstore, should've been transferred to the new owner since Nov 30, 2004. I explained and gave all the supporting documents to S.B when I visited her office so that she may investigate this matter also.

Ok, let me get to the point. I'm suffering from insomnia and stomach ulcer from all the stress and frustration caused by this mess. I believe I have been racially discriminated against. I am a Canadian citizen, I fulfill my duty as one by paying all the required taxes. That means I also have rights as a legitimate Canadian citizen, including the right to be heard in sincere manner regardless of race or creed.

I feel I've been treated in very inapproperiate and insincere manner by your reps, by the account manager S.B, and by Primus as whole. I also think I would've been heard more seriously if I wasn't a minority.

One more thing, Primus disconnected one of my business lines, (123) 098-7654, despite the fact that the line has belonged to Bell all along. The ATM that's connected to the line is out of operation to this date because of the disconnection. I do make a fair bit of sum from it and this is really affecting my business. And if this ever affects my credit score (I'll look it up at Equifax and other credit evaluation bureau) I'll hold Primus accountable for this and launch a six-figure lawsuit. And Primus will also be accountable for whatever S.B failed to do because she works at Primus and she's the account manager.

After some professional proofreading and editing I will send this to wherever possible, be it BBB (Better Business Bureau), FCC, the Customer Services Bureau, the Premier's office, or any committee that fights against racial discrimination. Then, as I said, I will bring this matter to court and hold Primus and certain individuals in it for damaging my business and credit - thereby effectively blocking my future advancement - , fraud and racial discrimination.

Regards,

J.K

HaraKiri,
Sorry for not getting onto this earlier, but I've been travelling back to \the UK and geting online here. I've corrected it. As a comment, while I can see why your dad's getting so angry, I feel the ending is a bit OTT (over the top). For instance with the ATM, I would say that 'if, as a consequence or Primus' cutting a line belonging to another phone company, my business credit rating is affected in any way, then Primus will have to face the legal consequences for the damage done to my company...

[HaraKiriBlade]

No Tdol you actually responded a lot faster than expected. I seriously didn't think anyone would read this long letter and provide corrections anytime soon. Thank you very, very much Tdol.

As for your comment, sigh... I know, it's just how my dad wanted it done. My poor English and translation on top of that and, ta da! you have one very offensive letter to behold. Thank you very much for your suggestion. You have no idea how much help you've been to me.

As for my upcoming questions related to this letter, should I write them as replies to this thread or create a new one? I have a whole bunch, many of them being which tense to use in certain time settings. Please let me know.

[Tdol]

It doesn't really matter at all to me whether you add them to this thread or start a new one. It might be useful to keep them together, but do what you feel happier with.

[HaraKiriBlade]

Ok then, the first set of questions (I didn't have time to write all my questions)

I made numerous phone calls and talked to numerous different reps over the next few months on that point, and every time I called, they unamiously said they would do something.

So let's say I first noticed Primus' wrong billing on March. I started calling the customer services department, and ended up talking to many different reps because they never delivered what they promised. By the time I was through with the 12th rep it was somewhere on June. So in that case I would say "talked to numerous different reps over the next few months 'on' that point"? would 'on that point' be March, and a few months passed from there? I'm asking because, the correction could alter what I truly want to say while being gramatically correct. I just wanted to make sure.

Not one of them kept their word.

Can I say 'not one of them delivered'? or 'not one of them lived up to what they said' (as in 'living up to the expectation)

She told me to excuse her a moment so that she may check with her computer

She came back a while after and said she would further look into the matter and let me know later.

I had to think a lot when writing these two sentences because, she said she'd check with her computer but I didn't state that she actually went there, and I went on and said she came back. I mean the fact that she said she'll go and check suggests she probably went to her computer, but to me the two sentences didn't quite connect. Given that, I also felt very reluctant adding another sentence in between those two: "So she went to her desk and attended to her computer" or something like that.
Did you think the sentences flow ok without anything in between?


That's it for today! I wish I had more time to work on my questions but as with everyeone else I have my everyday duties and obligations to fulfill. Thanks again!!

[Tdol]

1- On that point/ about that point- fine
2- I wouldn't use 'delivered' here- it might be ambiguous. You could say 'did what they said'.
3- She told me she would go and check on her computer, then came back...

[HaraKiriBlade]

I previously 'had' / used to have two phone numbers provided by Primus, (123) 456-7890 and (123) 098-7654

It seem like I've been forgetting the idiom 'used to'.

You know, I didn't translate this part word-to-word, because first of all Korean does not specify the tense / time period as strict as in English, and secondly I just didn't have the range of vocabulary that I needed.

Now that I think of it the original sentence went like this:

The store's phone lines had been subscribed to Primus when I bought the store...

I wasn't sure if I had to use 'had been' or 'were', and the exact time period that 'had been' represents. That's why I resorted to loose translation as opposed to word-to-word, to avoid having to think over which tense to use.

Did I use 'had been' in the right place? Would you mind explaining when and where exactly 'had been' should be used?

She called back and told him basically the same thing; it's a quite complicated matter and that it will take time so please wait

I really, really hated the boldened part. But I was pressed for time and couldn't find a better phrase. Didn't you think the sentence was strange? I can't quite explain but let's just say it looks very much out of place to me.

Thanks again Tdol! looking forward to your inputs here...

[HaraKiriBlade]

I meant to bump up this post but since I have other questions I might as well post them here.

Original paragraph:
I run a convenience store named Sun Variety, 1406 King st. E Cambridge, Ontario. The store’s two phone lines had been subscribed to Primus Canada, (519) 623-7251 and (519) 653-4625, when I bought the business along with the whole building on 15 December, 2004 from a person named Kwan.


Alternative:
I bought a convenience store named Sun Variety, 1406 King st. E Cambridge, along with the whole building, and at the time the business’ two phone lines, (519) 653-8882 and (519) 653-4625, were subscribed to Primus Canada.

I sent this letter to various other places and each time I tried altering sentences. Please take a look at the quoted above. I happen to ditch the 'had been' form in the alternative but I didn't do it intentionally. As I wrote the sentence it just happened.

Do all two paragraphs convey the same meaning? are they all in the same timetable? I was asking because 'had been' and 'was' obviously represent different time period.

I just go with my gut feelings when I use the 'had been' form but I don't feel comfortable using it not knowing what exact time it represents. Please enlighen the ignorant. Thank you very much.

[HaraKiriBlade]

[bump] T_T

[RonBee]

Re:

Original paragraph:
I run a convenience store named Sun Variety, 1406 King st. E Cambridge, Ontario. The store’s two phone lines had been subscribed to Primus Canada, (519) 623-7251 and (519) 653-4625, when I bought the business along with the whole building on 15 December, 2004 from a person named Kwan.


Alternative:
I bought a convenience store named Sun Variety, 1406 King st. E Cambridge, along with the whole building, and at the time the business’ two phone lines, (519) 653-8882 and (519) 653-4625, were subscribed to Primus Canada.

I think you could use either one. All in all, you have done a fairly good job.

What do you mean by "a fair bit of sum"? Money?

~R