Could u give my essay some suggestions? Thx!

[powerengine]

Hi, I am newcomer here and hope some of you could help me.
In Korea, I prepare for TOEFL and then try to apply some universities in the US.
as u know, TOEFL includes TWE that is sound difficult to us who haven't the pure English environment.
I couldn't find an appropriate person who can give me some suggestion in TWE.
So, I am wondering whether someone can help me to proofread and polish my two TWE essays in the following?
Thanks a lot!!

yours sincerely
Vanessa Lee
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topic1 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:
With respect to the issue of whether it is veracious that only people who earn a lot of money are successful, there must be individuals who whole-heartedly support this viewpoint, because, as you know, Rockefeller, Buffett and Gates are deemed successful person in that they earned innumerable income. While others, like me, consider that some people who are not wealthy or even needy could be fully esteemed successful. So, if someone were to ask me this question, I would oppose this statement and affirm that some of those measures of success include contribution and respect. Let me buttressed my argument with the following solid perspectives.

First thing that come to my mind is the situation of famous scientists. Electric, aircraft, computers and the like made by scientists has reshaped our society to an unprecedented degree and thus ultimately facilitate people's daily life. Few of these inventors are rich by today's standards. Take Albert Einstein for an example, it is a very conspicuous case. Certainly he is one of the scientists considered as the most successful people in the world for his unique scientific contribution and this year was designated as "Einstein Year." Did he earn a lot of money through his science? Of course not. Never had anybody mentioned in any textbook about his wealth, whereas if he wanted to use his talent to make money he might have been the wealthiest man in the world.

In addition, being respected by people indicates success. Many famous humanitarians did not earn much money while they gained respect. Mother Theresa was one. Definitely, no one would say she was not successful. In some sense, without respect, money means little.

Even though we take the rich men regarded as successful into consideration, as I said before, their successes are not their rich, but their charity such as Rockefeller Foundation.

To conclude, for me, money is not an exclusive or even determinant factor in success because, when we think of history, there are few people that we remember simply because they were rich. Overall, having in mind all these things, I conclude that being successful is contributing to the world with your work, and being recognized by people.

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topic2 180 Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

My essay:
It is beyond a shadow of doubt that movies are popular all over the world. Of course, there were different means of entertainment, before the movie was first emerged, but we can say that after movie, entertainment became a public matter. Among countless factors that contribute to the movies' popularity, here I would like to explain a few of the most conspicuous ones, as follows.

One of the primary causes is that movies usually integrate marvelous plot, gorgeous music and vivid picture into 150 minutes or so enjoyments. This makes movies superior to other media such as books, paintings and records. To illustrate this point, one concrete example is very persuasive. Any individual only needs to spend 2 hours in watching "Gone with the wind" in a cinema, and then instantly grasp the essence of the story, whereas some others may be too boring to finish this homonymous novel. Furthermore, when in a theater, we are not only seeing it, but also hearing it. It is as clear as the writing on the wall that "The Lion King" offers some fabulous melodies, beyond giving imposing tale to the audience. Obviously, we receive message from many respects in such a way that no other media present.

Effective communication with your companies and good means to escape the stress also result from the movies. Because movie is relatively cheap, I, together with most of the residents in this town, treat seeing movie as a family get-together. Even though the film is over, the characters, the performance and the music would be our topic in the following days. On the other hand, the movies are definitely more appealing for audiences who have exhausted themselves in the real world than are those printed novels. For instance, as students, we frequently hear such words as: "Now that I have finished my exams, I am going to relax and go to a movie tonight!" or "Why do not we go to see a movie tonight? A good comedy might cheer you up!" A movie will make you forget everything but the story in action on the screen.

In addition to these reasons, movies are windows on seeing the world. We could travel to understand the other countries and cultures. For most us, however, seldom do us have enough money and time to start a trip around the world. Fortunately, we can see many movies, which reflect various histories, customs and cultures in the world. We can see what is American real value in "Forrest Gump"; we can catch what is Scottish freedom spirit in "Brave Heart"; we can know more about the World War Two when seeing "Schindler's List". In a sense, movies serve more than travels do in understanding other countries.

As it was said before, other media, like books, have some aspects which could not be replaced by the movies. Nonetheless, movies are still the favorite of most people. In short, movies are so popular because they not only tell us stories, but also tell us much more beyond the word, while many can enrich the affections with the others and relieve the stress through it.