Proofreading Required.

[lakde]

Hi, I am preparing for IELTS exam and practicing for Essay writing task.

Need some advice/improvements on the below essay. Thanks in advance.


Topic:
As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons in at least 250 words.

Essay:

Though computer has become a cardinal component in imparting education to students, teachers are always required to transform this raw education into quality education. A computer cannot replace a teacher as it is just a machine which is effective if guided by an experienced teacher.

A student is imbibed more in a subject when in front of a teacher as compared to a computer. The mind will behave in a gingerly way and would be more attentive in the classroom when a teacher is speaking; this all is taken care by our unconscious mind. A teacher is more effective in pinpointing a student’s weakness and can suggest improvements over a period of time. There could be parent teacher meetings to discuss a student’s progress and moral conduct. These meetings are very crucial in deciding the further fruitful action items for the student. There is more to absorb from an experienced teacher than to a mere machine which always performs predefined tasks or operations. A student would always get a clear picture of the outside world from a teacher and surely a computer would not have an answer for a very trifling query related to moral conduct.

Currently, we have not reached an age where computers have artificial intelligence; they still have to be operated by a human being. A computer’s operation would always be governed by student’s action and it cannot judge based on a student’s behaviour or past education. Moreover, a computer is a mere machine which can be hacked and tempered with to work according to a human being. This is another flaw with computers apart from no artificial intelligence.

All things considered, today a computer has not reached a stage where it can replace a teacher. A teacher has his/her own importance which is much more critical than this so called intelligent machine.

[Gillnetter]

Hi, I am preparing for IELTS exam and practicing for Essay writing task.

Need some advice/improvements on the below essay. Thanks in advance.


Topic:
As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons in at least 250 words.

Essay:

Though computer has computers have become a cardinal component in imparting education to students, teachers are will always be required to transform this raw education into a quality education. A computer cannot replace a teacher, as it is just a machine, which is only effective if guided by an experienced teacher.

A student is imbibed more in a subject when in front of a teacher as compared to a computer. The mind will behave in a gingerly way and would be more attentive in the classroom when a teacher is speaking; this all is taken care by our unconscious mind (I doubt this. I believe it is the conscious mind.). A teacher is more effective in pinpointing a student’s weakness and can suggest improvements over a period of time. With a live teacher there could be parent teacher meetings to discuss a student’s progress and moral conduct (What does moral conduct have to do with learning?). These meetings are can be very crucial in deciding the further fruitful action items (action items sounds like a "buzzword". What exactly does it mean?) for the student. There is more to absorb from an experienced teacher than to from a mere machine, which always performs predefined tasks or operations. A student would always get a clear picture of the outside world from a teacher and surely a computer would not have an answer for a very trifling query related to moral conduct. (As a general rule, I would not use "always". What if the teacher projects an inaccurate picture of the world, or, what if the student does not understand the teacher and thinks of the world in a way that is not related to the real world?)

Currently, we have not reached an age a time where computers have artificial intelligence; they still have to be operated by a human being. A computer’s operation would always be governed by student’s action and it cannot judge based on a student’s behaviour (Wait a minute - actions are usually a result of behavior.) or past education. Moreover, a computer is a mere machine which can be hacked and tempered with to work according to a human being. This is another flaw with computers apart from no artificial intelligence.
(This is another flaw that computers that lack artificial intelligence have.)
All things considered, today a computers has have not reached a stage where it they can replace a teacher. A teacher has his/her own importance (What does importance have to do with education?) which is much more critical than this so called intelligent machine.

Your English is not too bad but you should examine some of your reasoning.

[lakde]

Thanks a lot Gillnetter. Your comments/suggestions are really helpful; I especially liked the part where you have commented on the matter rather than English.

Here are my responses to your comments:
1. Moral conducts are like good behavior, manners, good things in life based on teacher's experience.

2. Action items are like future tasks, coarse of action for the student..

3. Teacher have an importance with education. That's what I wanted to emphasize; without a teacher the education is incomplete. Take for example, this essay proofreading; a computer may not be able to mimic everything that you have done. A mentor/teacher is always required.

Hope I am clear. However, I agree I need to focus on my reasoning to make it more convincing.

Thanks Again. Looking for similar help in near future.