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Thread: Please, would you proofread my poem.

  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Member
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    Default Please, would you proofread my poem.

    Please, would you proofread my poem "I WILL TELL HER"

    I WILL TELL HER

    I wait for her every afternoon,
    When bathers have left
    She comes out of one of the nearby houses,
    Walks barefoot by me without giving me a glance,
    And jumps into the river.
    A few seconds later she appears again,
    Her long blond hair sparkling in the slanting sun,
    The contours of her healthy body bursting behind her white, wet bathing suit.

    I sit on the riverbank day after day, summer after summer,
    year after year,
    Watching her growing into a graceful woman,
    Watching myself growing into a shy man.
    I will tell her one day how beautiful she is,
    how she has made me an addict,
    how I wish to swim with her in this sacred river.

    I will tell one day, I comfort myself while bombs fall over the town,
    I will tell her, I moan in a prison camp,
    I will tell her, I speak to the people in a faraway cold city, who do not understand me,
    I will tell her when I end up in an old people’s home,
    I will tell her on my deathbed,
    I will tell her in the afterlife.
    Last edited by Bassim; 28-Feb-2011 at 06:30.

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my poem.

    Reads fine to me.
    Bassim likes this.

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