please rectify My IELTS writing task 1

[asaplover]

Hi everyone,


I wanna practice IELTS writing task 1....
please rectify my writing because I guess I have made a ton of mistakes

if u dont mind pls give the score as well.


thanks in advance






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The diagram illustrates how a product life cycle raises some environment issues. In general, the life cycle of product consists of the following steps:

1.Planning and Design
In the first place, a product produced has to be well designed and planned in terms of its functions, styles, features, packages, distribution etc.

2.Consumption of materials and energy resources
Based on its design, the materials and energy resources needed such as gasoline and coal for this product are provided.

3.Production
This step is an activity to convert raw materials to end products by using either manpower or machinery. Energy resources are needed in order to operate that machinery.

4. Packaging and Distribution
After the products have been manufactured, the products will be packaged according to plan made in step one. Then, the product will be distributed from factories to intermediaries such as wholesalers and distributors and then to any places involved in selling the products to end customers such as retailers.

5.Sales
The products are bought by customers from retailers such as supermarkets, shopping centers, stores, etc.


6.Use by customers
Customers give either their negative or positive feedback by word of mouth, via mass media, company surveys and so on. This feedback will be taken into consideration in redesigning the products as in the first step. After the product is used, some parts of product can be recycled and the rest will be disposed of.

7.Recycling
By recycling, some parts of disposed products can be converted into raw materials needed in step 2.

In terms of environment issues, it can be concluded that the issues raised by a product over its life cycle are as follow:

•Recycling the product that customer disposes of would help reduce waste which is difficult to be recycled naturally such as plastics. Furthermore, the cost of raw materials procurement can be reduced as well because the raw materials could be obtained by recycling some parts of disposed products.
•It is a must to seek energy resource alternatives particularly for non-renewable energy resources such as coal, gasoline and other fuels.

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