spend money on traveling and vacation (TOEFL)
Before posing my essay, I have the essay structure of a question, whether it is necessary to explicitly state my position as thesis statement in the first paragraph.
For example, do I need to exactly write down "I agree/disagree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future." in the end of the introduction paragraph as my thesis.
Many thnks for those who are willing to check my essay and answer the question above.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future.
According economics aspects, money as a sort of resource is scarce. To spend money wisely is an important issue for societies, businesses, and individuals. It is always such a pleasure to have a vacation that requires a large amount of money. Those who emphasize philosophy of carpe diem, enjoying life at present, most probably consume money on traveling. Although to fulfill the philosophy of carpe dime, enjoying life at present, is attractive, accomplishing personal achievement based on ambition requires careful budget management.
Excessively spending money on traveling hampers future possibility. Brilliant future of our society depends on the generations to come. Children symbolize “hope” that plays a great role in human civilization. To well cultivate their children, every people’s responsibility, parents should save money for children’s education fund. As a result, people had better spend less money on unnecessary expense including traveling one.
A career plan demands careful allocating such given resources as money. Like a the strategy planning of a corporation, personal career planning, in which you set at which stage of life to purchase a house, car, or to have a marriage, sets the principal discipline of spending money. For example, to achieve the goal of founding an enterprise before age 30 according to my career plan, I cannot but save $20 thousand per year, while minimizing as much leisure expense as possible.
Saving money leads to more vacations in the future. As economics theories suggest, only whey surplus yield can more capital be invested for business expansion. In other words, saving money or then further investing that capital—in whatever target markets such as stock market and bond market—will lead to additional money available for having even more vacations.
Basing my judgment on these factors: children’s future, personal career plan, and future leisure time, I fundamentally disagree with the remark that somewhat proponents carpe diem, the philosophy that does not fit a well-planned and responsible grownup.
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