Help for the essay: check for mistakes

[vuthan2100]

Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, E-mail, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Nowadays, there are many types of communication in our life, and some people claim that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, E-mail, or telephone calls. However, I disgree with that claim because of some following reasons.
To begin with, mediated communication will help for your work become influence. Thanks to letters, E-mail, or telephone calls , we are facilitate communication. Take my case is an example. I used telephone in order to talk with parent of student. And I keep in touch with them by E-mail and my website. At the end of the course I really feel that I have achieved result. Therefore, I can save time and money to do other things.
Secondly, mediated communication helps us easily build up and organize network for . By cutting-edge technology, it is create an online community. Thus, we can make friend and we also find people who shares a common interest or participates in achieving a common goal. For instance, I met many friends who want to learn English and go to abroad. Then, we were close, we like each other, spend a lot of time together, and discuss English subject, life’s problem with each other. And all of us are feeling of happy, we are members of our family.
In conclusion, mediated communication is considered to be a phenomena in the before century, as far as I am concerned due to the above listed reasons. The spread out and popularity of mediated communication is a indispensable flow of the modern world that smart people are those who make use of it.

[minnieuk]

Firstly, you need to sort out the multiple fonts. Just one font would be much better. And lose the italics.

I'm not going to edit the entire piece but I'll give you a few suggestions based on the first paragraph.

However, I disgree with that claim because of some following reasons.

This is an open-ended sentence which really needs a colon at the end of it before a list of reasons. That isn't a very good way to start an essay so I would suggest changing the wording to make it a whole sentence.

However, there are a numer of reasons why I would disagree with that claim.

To begin with, mediated communication will help for your work become more influential.

Thanks to letters, E-mail, and telephone calls , we are able to facilitate communication.

You need to look more carefully at your verb construction.

[vuthan2100]

Firstly, you need to sort out the multiple fonts. Just one font would be much better. And lose the italics.

I'm not going to edit the entire piece but I'll give you a few suggestions based on the first paragraph.

However, I disgree with that claim because of some following reasons.

This is an open-ended sentence which really needs a colon at the end of it before a list of reasons. That isn't a very good way to start an essay so I would suggest changing the wording to make it a whole sentence.

However, there are a numer of reasons why I would disagree with that claim.

To begin with, mediated communication will help for your work become more influential.

Thanks to letters, E-mail, and telephone calls , we are able to facilitate communication.

You need to look more carefully at your verb construction.

Thanks Ms Minnieuk for correcting some points of detail in my essay.

[vuthan2100]

I have edited my essay. Can you check it again?
Thanks in advance.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, E-mail, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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Nowadays, there are many types of communication in our life. Some people claim that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, E-mail, or telephone calls. However, there are two of reasons why I would disagree with that claim.

To begin with, mediated communication will help your work become more influential. Thanks to letters, E-mail, and telephone calls , we are able to facilitate communication. Take my case is an example. I used telephone in order to talk with parent of student. And I keep in touch with them by E-mail and my website. At the end of the course I really feel that I have achieved result. Therefore, I can save time and money to do other things.

Secondly, mediated communication helps us easily build up and organize network for . By cutting-edge technology, it creates an online community. Thus, we can make friends and we also find people who shares common interests or participates in achieving a similar goal. For instance, I met many friends who want to learn English and go to abroad. Then, we were close, we like each other, spend a lot of time together, and discuss English subject, life’s problem with each other. And all of us are feeling of happiness, we are members of our family.

In conclusion, mediated communication is considered to be phenomena in the before century, as far as I am concerned due to the above listed reasons. The spread out and popularity of mediated communication is an indispensable flow of the modern world that smart people are those who make use of it.

[JTRiff]

Not Teacher

Nowadays, there are many types of communication in our lives(life).
Some people claim that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication such as letters, e-mail, or telephone calls. However, there are two (of) reasons why I (would) disagree with that claim.

Our is plural, hence: lives
However, here are two (of the is optional here) reasons why I disagree with that claim.

[akm2446]

In general, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours.
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Nowadays, most people are busy with their job, family and own affairs. So, they do not have adequate time to contact their neighbours. For instance, there are some couples that both of them are working out of home all day and come back to home at night. As a result, they do not have additional time to contact neighbours. On the other hand, due to overcrowding in most of big cities, numerous people live in a building typically and thus, some people might not be able to visit all their neighbours in a building. For example, some ones may have lives in a building for many years but still do not know the names of all their neighbours. Hence, most buildings which populated with many people, the neighbours scarcely able to contact each others. Moreover, today, some people do not stay constantly in a building for a long time and frequently move to other place. For Example, some people rent a flat for one year and next year, they should move to other place. Consequently, neighbours would not be able to visit each others.

I personally believe that, there are several solutions to improve relationship between neighbours. A good idea is to encourage people to meet their neighbours in leisure time, For instance, the neighbours could invite each others to a public party. Therefore, they would get to know each other better. Another option is to arrange some sport matches or entertainment programs for neighbours. For example, the neighbours could play in district sport competition at weekend. This would lead to make friends with the neighbours. Another possibility is to provide social network websites for each district. For instance, people could join to this websites and then find other people that they live in the same district. This would help them to know more about their neighbours and using this way, they could contact each other easily.