There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? is

[sheyh]

Music is a part of the art. It obvious that music as old as the human being in this world. Each of things have their own magnetic sounds. Music helps to make perfectionism our life. It is a divine donation to humanity.

There are various musics in the world. For instance, classic, pop, rock, country and others. Music is one part of our life. We listen music everyday. Music is like true friend, in happy, merry and woe times it will together. For example when i listen to music i forget a bit about problems and sorrows. Music influence straight to human mind and help to make refresh and relax. In addition in the past severe patients were recovered by listening to musics.

Currently a deal of young people listen to international music but from my point of view traditional music is more important that international. Each country has traditional musics. it is the part of particular culture. Each culture has various form of music. By listening or looking at the music a common people can guess what types of culture.

In conclusion I would say that, music is in our minds beginning from our birth until our death. Music is an inseparable part of this world. We cannot live without music being the part of this world of full noise and beat. I think, music is the same to our soul, like the bath to our body.

[freezeframe]

Music is a part of the art. It obvious that music as old as the human being in this world. Each of things have their own magnetic sounds. Music helps to make perfectionism our life. It is a divine donation to humanity.

There are various musics in the world. For instance, classic, pop, rock, country and others. Music is one part of our life. We listen music everyday. Music is like true friend, in happy, merry and woe times it will together. For example when i listen to music i forget a bit about problems and sorrows. Music influence straight to human mind and help to make refresh and relax. In addition in the past severe patients were recovered by listening to musics.

Currently a deal of young people listen to international music but from my point of view traditional music is more important that international. Each country has traditional musics. it is the part of particular culture. Each culture has various form of music. By listening or looking at the music a common people can guess what types of culture.

In conclusion I would say that, music is in our minds beginning from our birth until our death. Music is an inseparable part of this world. We cannot live without music being the part of this world of full noise and beat. I think, music is the same to our soul, like the bath to our body.

There are many grammar and vocabulary problems here.

But, is this for TOEFL? If so, you need to review how to structure a TOEFL essay.

You should avoid grand generalizations (ex. It obvious that music as old as the human being in this world -- is it?) and hyperbolic statements. You should also review how to structure your introduction and conclusion -- you need to briefly outline in the introduction what you're going to say in your paragraphs.

All TOEFL questions end with "use specific examples". This means you need to give specific arguments. Part of what they're looking for is whether you can organize your ideas. Also, your arguments should be on point -- do they answer the actual question asked? How does your 3rd paragraph answer the question?

[sheyh]

no It is IELTS essay and thanks for your advice it is my first essay