Help Please Grade my Essay (Please Help)

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present age, education is valued ever so highly that it has become the cornerstone of every nation. Countries have begun restructuring their education system in order to effectively compete with other nations. Most people believe that an outstanding education system is assured to generate significant changes to the development of a country while other are of the opinion that education is not the only factor to improve a nation.
We must acknowledge the fact that a nation with good leaders is impractical if they are unaware of the methods to develop the country. It is often argued that education alone is inadequate to progress a nation. Other skills such as communication and personal relations are equally vital to overcome challenges and move the nation towards advancement. Likewise, there are other means of enhancing a nation’s economy such as exporting goods.
However, many people strongly believe that an exceptional education system is pivotal to rise above other nations. A country with an astounding education system is able to promote tourism, business negotiations and exchange of labour which in turn will effectively craft a significant change to its economy.
Furthermore, powerful nations of the world are constantly on the lookout to magnify its international relationships with other nations that possess a similar educational background. Countries that are looking to be advancing ahead of other nations can also expect powerful nations to assist them financially. As a result, nations can further enhance their education system and eventually create remarkable graduates and businessmen who are well qualified to compete globally.
In summary, I would like to concede that a good education system is extremely critical and has become the only crucial factor to the development of a nation today. Without a profound education system people with lack of knowledge, experience and skill will rule nations unaware of the ways of development. Moreover, scholars, philosophers and other powerful leaders in our history and of the present have all proven to possess an astounding educational background in nations with a pronounced education system.




Please Grade my Essay. Im doing IELTS. I have done more than 4 times but all the time I get 6.5 for Writing. Can someone help me with the errors I'm dong....

See your other post. Please post only once.
If you need to add something, use the "edit" button, below right. If you've found you've posted twice, you can delete one with the edit/delete button.

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Originally Posted by Raymott

See your other post. Please post only once.
If you need to add something, use the "edit" button, below right. If you've found you've posted twice, you can delete one with the edit/delete button.

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Its not the same thing. Its another Essay I wrote. If you can correct that as well.

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Originally Posted by CodeKadiya

Its not the same thing. Its another Essay I wrote. If you can correct that as well.

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Oh, yeah, sorry.

Sir,

If you can read this essay and please comment about it.

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Originally Posted by CodeKadiya

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the present age, education is valued ever so highly that it has become the cornerstone of almost every nation. [That's a big claim. I could name several countries where this wouldn't apply. Whenever you use words like "always, never, all, none, every ..." always question their validity.] Countries have begun restructuring their education system in order to effectively compete with other nations. Most people believe that an outstanding education system is assured to generate significant changes to the development of a country while others are of the opinion that education is not the only factor to improve a nation.
Again, I've read your introduction, and I don't know where you stand.
Instead of stating your opinion, or the thesis that your essay will argue, you've given us the same tired "Some believe believe X, while other people believe non-X" introduction. Let us agree that, with this type of essay, that point is always trivially true, and can be well an truly dispensed with in favour of something more meaningful.
In fact, what you've stated is a little different. Many people could hold both opinions: that education is assured to generate positive changes, and that it's not the only factor to improve a nation.

We must acknowledge the fact that a nation with good leaders is impractical if they are unaware of the methods to develop the country. It is often argued that education alone is inadequate to the progress of a nation. Other skills such as communication and personal relations are equally vital to overcome challenges and move the nation towards advancement. Likewise, there are other means of enhancing a nation’s economy such as exporting goods.
Good paragraph. You've introduced several good examples without taking up too much space with any particular one.

However, many people strongly believe that an exceptional education system is pivotal to rise above other nations. A country with an astounding education system is able to promote tourism, business negotiations and exchange of labour, which in turn will effectively craft [not a word I would have chosen] a significant change to its economy.

Furthermore, powerful nations of the world are constantly on the lookout to magnify its their international relationships with other nations that possess a similar educational background. Countries that are looking to be advance ahead of other nations can also expect powerful nations to assist them financially. As a result, nations can further enhance their education system and eventually create remarkable graduates and businessmen who are well qualified to compete globally.
Be careful with subject verb agreement.

In summary, I would like to concede conclude/assert/claim that a good education system is extremely critical and has become the only crucial factor to the development of a nation today.
[Really? But your essay presents a good case that it isn't! In what I called a good paragraph, you provided some good examples of other factors. If you're going to conclude X, you shouldn't make such a good case for not-X in your essay.]
Without a profound education system people with lack of knowledge, experience and skill will rule nations unaware of the ways of development.
True, but even with good education systems, there have been countries with duds as leaders. I won't offer examples. :-)
Moreover, scholars, philosophers and other powerful leaders in our history and of the present have all proven to possess an astounding educational background in nations with a pronounced education system.


Please Grade my Essay. Im doing IELTS. I have done more than 4 times but all the time I get 6.5 for Writing. Can someone help me with the errors I'm dong....

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You use some vocabularly that sounds a bit strange. But I'd encourage you to continue with this experimentation with new words. It's better than being boring.
I'd still give you about 6-7 for this. Keep trying!

Thank you so much sir. Ill post more essays.

Thank you again.