Please somenone could correct my essay of 2 part of academic ielts??
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Everybody was born with their own talents and skills to do something in particular or to work in specific areas as sport or music. Nowadays, we can see a million of talent involved in these areas, people born with a great talent, as Mozart and Beethoven for the music, and others that are really well-known because they received an excellent training.
It is true that for both typologies of people a long training is required, but for some genious or champions, in music and sports, as Mozart or Maradona, they were born to cover this role because of their great talent. So a long training was not requiered for them.
On the other hand for the other kind of people, not genious but ordinary people, they can be taught to become a good sports person or musician, but good results can be obtained only through a good an long training. Nowadays areas as music and sport are full of ordinary but good sports person or musician. We can think about the million of music bands that there are all around the world, and they have a great success and even they are well-known, but this point does not concern that they are genious and they were born with this talent, it is only due to for their long and good training.
To sum up briefly i think that everyone can be taught to become a good member in every kind of areas especially if someone lives in special condition, for example the future of the Bill Gates' son could be already written, but this does not mean that he will be so great and famous as his father. Only the people with great talent will be the best and well-known until the end of the days.
Please i'll be really greatful if someone can correct my essay and tell me what possible score i could take with this one.
thank you so much for your disponibility and ask me everything you want.
Re: Please somenone could correct my essay of 2 part of academic ielts??
Everybody processes talents and skills to do something in particular or to work in specific areas as sport or music. As a result, we can see many talents involved in these areas: people who were born with great talent, as Mozart and Beethoven for the music, and others that are famous because they received an excellent training.
It is true that for both typologies, a long training is required. But for someone like Mozart and Maradona, they were born with natural talent, so they didn't not need a long tedious training period to succeed in their life ( don't say they don't need training; even a genius needs training to be good at what he's doing. Being talented only speeds up the process)
On the other hand for the other kind of people, not genious but ordinary people, they can be taught to become a good sports person or musician, but good results can be obtained only through a good an long training. Nowadays areas as music and sport are full of ordinary but good sports person or musician. We can think about the million of music bands that there are all around the world, and they have a great success and even they are well-known, but this point does not concern that they are genious and they were born with this talent, it is only due to for their long and good training.
Rewriting:
On the other hand, people who are not blessed with natural talent can still become successful sports person or musician through hard work. Many of their successes come from long hours of tedious trainings and preparations. As we look at all the famous musicians and sportsmen today, regardless of them being talented or not, they have reached to what they are today through the means of hard work.
To sum everything up, I think that everyone can become successful in all aspects of life. Having natural talent can significantly speed up the process, but only through hard work, will a person be able to succeed in life.
Ok, I am going to be blunt here: you are not going to get very far with this type of writing.
1. spelling: you need to proof read carefully and avoid spelling mistake. IELTS tests your English proficiency. How proficiency are you if you can't even spell?
2. awkward and unclear sentences: I had to rewrite your 3rd paragraph because I have to no idea what you wanted to say. You should try reading your essay out loud; it is a good way to eliminate many awkward and unclear sentences
3. grammar: review sentence structure, tenses.
You will need a lot of work before you are already for your test.
Re: Please somenone could correct my essay of 2 part of academic ielts??
Quote:
Originally Posted by
throllen 
Everybody processes [possesses?] talents and skills to do something in particular or to work in specific areas as sport or music. As a result, we can see many talents involved in these areas: people who were born with great talent, as Mozart and Beethoven for the music, and others that are famous because they received an excellent training.
It is true that for both typologies, a long training period is required. But for someone like Mozart and or Maradona, they who were born with natural talent, so they didn't not don't need a long tedious training period to succeed in their life ( don't say they don't need training; even a genius needs training to be good at what he's doing. Being talented only speeds up the process)
On the other hand for the other kind of people, not genious but ordinary people, they can be taught to become a good sports person or musician, but good results can be obtained only through a good an long training. Nowadays areas as music and sport are full of ordinary but good sports person or musician. We can think about the million of music bands that there are all around the world, and they have a great success and even they are well-known, but this point does not concern that they are genious and they were born with this talent, it is only due to for their long and good training.
Rewriting:
On the other hand, people who are not blessed with natural talent can still become successful sports people (or 'a successful sports person) or musician through hard work. Many of their successes come from long hours of tedious trainings and preparations. As we look at all the famous musicians and sportsmen today, regardless of them being whether they are talented or not, they have reached to become what they are today through the means of hard work.
To sum everything up, I think that everyone can become successful in all aspects of life. Having natural talent can significantly speed up the process, but only through hard work, will a person be able to succeed in life.
Ok, I am going to be blunt here: you are not going to get very far with this type of writing.
I'll be equally blunt. Learners will not get very far with your corrections, since they introduce as many new errors as they fix. I think it's also necessary to point out to new posters that they can expect far superior corrections to yours, and that they should not take your corrections as being authoritative.
1. spelling: you need to proof read carefully and avoid spelling mistake. IELTS tests your English proficiency. How proficiency proficient are you if you can't even spell?
2. awkward and unclear sentences: I had to rewrite your 3rd paragraph because I have to had no idea what you wanted to say. You should try reading your essay out loud; it is a good way to eliminate many awkward and unclear sentences.
3. grammar: review sentence structure, tenses.
You will need a lot of work before you are already for your test.
I believe you need further work before you are ready to competently correct work on this site. Your corrections are significantly lower in quality than learners should realistically expect here.
Your wish to help is commendable, but you need to consider the interests of the students here, and also whether you are dragging down the standard of teaching which this site has achieved.
