would anyone be able to check whether the sentence?

[koalachan]

Hi everyone,

Please would anyone be able to check whether the sentence below is grammatically and structurally correct? Will really appreciate your help and time.

''Dear Mr XX,

I am writing to show my interest in entering agreement with yourself in hoping to appoint myself as an exclusive distributor in Christchurch. It would offer a great opportunity for your company to move inventory faster. If you are interested in taking this on, please contact me at _______ to explore this further. Thank you.''

Many thanks everyone.

[billmcd]

Hi everyone,

Please would anyone be able to check whether the sentence below is grammatically and structurally correct? Will really appreciate your help and time.

''Dear Mr XX,

I am writing to show my interest in entering agreement with yourself you in hoping to appoint myself the hope that you would appoint me as an exclusive distributor in Christchurch. It would offer a great opportunity for your company to move inventory faster. If you are interested in taking this on, please contact me at _______ to explore this further. Thank you.''

Many thanks everyone.

Some minor revisions.

[koalachan]

Many thanks billmcd for your time!! Much appreciated!

Koalachan