Revise my essay: Rates of smoking in Someland

[ehsaning]

Hello,
Please revise my essay.



In this double line graph, the smoking rates (per 1000 people) for females and males are scrutinized between 1960 and 2000 in Someland. However, it represents a decline for both men and women during the later 1975.
In 1960, smoking was extremely prevalent among men: 60% were smokers, while only 10% of females reported being smokers. From the 1960s onwards, smoking prevalence among woman increased fairly rapidly until mid-1970s, around a fifth (19%) in 1965 and 32% by 1975. In comparison, the percentage of men who smoke decreased gradually to approximately 50% by 1975. Since then the women’s rate has remained fairly steady until 1990, but the rates among men has continued to fall slowly to 40%.
Trends in smoking in both men and women decreased significantly, from 40% in the 1990s to 27% in the 2000s for men’s figure. Similarly, the rates of female smokers reported 30% in the 1990s and, 22% since 2000.
In conclusion, the number of men smokers decreased enormously during the 20th century, and it has never been a majority habit among women.

[Gillnetter]

Hello,
Please revise my essay.



In this double line graph, the smoking rates rate (You would not use a plural here since you are only looking at one thing - the rate of smoking.) (per 1000 people) for females and males are scrutinized between 1960 and 2000 in Someland. However, it represents a decline for both men and women during the later 1975. (There is no reason to use "however" here. "however" can be used to show the difference between something and something else but there is no such case here.)
In 1960, smoking was extremely prevalent among men: 60% were smokers, while only 10% of females reported being smokers. From the 1960s onwards, smoking prevalence among woman increased fairly rapidly until the mid-1970s, when it reached around a fifth (19%) in 1965 and 32% by 1975. In comparison, the percentage of men who smoke decreased gradually to approximately 50% by 1975. Since then the women’s rate has remained fairly steady until 1990, but the rates rate among men has continued to fall slowly to 40%.
Trends in smoking in both men and women decreased significantly, from 40% in the 1990s to 27% in the 2000s for men’s figure men . Similarly, the rates rate of female smokers was reported as 30% in the 1990s and 22% since 2000.
In conclusion, the number of men smokers decreased enormously during the 20th century, and it has never been a majority habit among the majority of women.

Gil