Please help, task 2 IELTS

[karenblando]

Hello, I'd like to know my mistakes and the score of this essay as task 2 in IELTS.

I need to get 8, please help me!!!!

I would like to know my mistakes and the score.


Task 2

Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion


Talent professionals who devote their lifes to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professional find earning a great salary difficult. Some people believe is completely validated, however, others consider that is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

On one hand, those in favour of great salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons to be concerned about innate ability and performance. Anybody who adores no matter what profession and, in addition, has talent, he/she will surely succeed, by far, earn a great amount of money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession on account of having a certain taugh challenge to achieve in important competitions.

On the other hand, there are many people who would argue that sport is simply a profession that not requires many years of academic study or experience so it should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent, just only skills and experience to perform a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions require to beat a considerable amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent should deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult that others, however, the key to success is how to perform them.

[JohnParis]

Dear Karenblando, I have underlined 21 mistakes in your text that need attention. You have grammatical errors, spelling errors, tense errors, choice of vocabulary errors and a couple of errors in logic. As it is, your essay would not attain a grade anywhere near the required 8.

Succesful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion


Talent professionals who devote their lifes to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professional find earning a great salary difficult. Some people believe is completely validated, however, others consider that is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

Try again.
Regards,
John

On one hand, those in favour of great salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons to be concerned about innate ability and performance. Anybody who adores no matter what profession and, in addition, has talent, he/she will surely succeed, by far, earn a great amount of money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession on account of having a certain taugh challenge to achieve in important competitions.

On the other hand, there are many people who would argue that sport is simply a profession that not requires many years of academic study or experience so it should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent, just only skills and experience to perform a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions require to beat a considerable amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent should deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult that others, however, the key to success is how to perform them.

[karenblando]

Dear Karenblando, I have underlined 21 mistakes in your text that need attention. You have grammatical errors, spelling errors, tense errors, choice of vocabulary errors and a couple of errors in logic. As it is, your essay would not attain a grade anywhere near the required 8.

Dear John, Thank you for helping me, This is the revised essay. Id like to know if it is correct finally.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion


Talent professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it is completely validated, however, others consider that it is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

Try again.
Regards,
John

On one hand, those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance. Anybody who adores any kind of profession and has talent, he or she will surely succeed, earning a great amount of money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because of having a certain challenge to achieve in important competitions.

On the other hand, there are many people who would argue that sport is simply a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience so it should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent,only skills and experience to do a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent should deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how to do them.

Dear Karenblando, I have underlined 21 mistakes in your text that need attention. You have grammatical errors, spelling errors, tense errors, choice of vocabulary errors and a couple of errors in logic. As it is, your essay would not attain a grade anywhere near the required 8.

Dear John, Thank you for helping me, This is the revised essay. Id like to know if it is correct finally.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion


Talent professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it is completely validated, however, others consider that it is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

Try again.
Regards,
John

On one hand, those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance. Anybody who adores any kind of profession and has talent, he or she will surely succeed, earning a great amount of money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because of having a certain challenge to achieve in important competitions.

On the other hand, there are many people who would argue that sport is simply a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience so it should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent,only skills and experience to do a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent should deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how to do them.

[JohnParis]

Dear Karenblando,
Well, you have corrected some of your mistakes - and that's a good thing.
In my version below, I have corrected several passages for you as well, but there remain several areas that need work. They are underlined.

I am particularly concerned with the logic behind your statement "Those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance."

Please excuse the change in font midway through your essay - I can't explain why this has happened.

Good luck,
John



Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Talent__ professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it is completely validated, however, others consider that it is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

Those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance. Anyone who adores their profession and has talent, will surely succeed, and earn money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because of requiring a certain challenge to achieve in important competitions.
However, there are many people who would argue that sport is a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience and should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent,only skills and experience to do a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how to do them.

[karenblando]

Dear Karenblando,
Well, you have corrected some of your mistakes - and that's a good thing.
In my version below, I have corrected several passages for you as well, but there remain several areas that need work. They are underlined.

I am particularly concerned with the logic behind your statement "Those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance."

Please excuse the change in font midway through your essay - I can't explain why this has happened.

Good luck,
John



Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Talent__ professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it is completely validated, however, others consider that it is wrongful. I totally agree with the first opinion.

Those in favour of good salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons such as: innate ability and performance. Anyone who adores their profession and has talent, will surely succeed, and earn money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because of requiring a certain challenge to achieve in important competitions.
However, there are many people who would argue that sport is a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience and should be considered less important. However, people who have others professions may not require talent,only skills and experience to do a job so it is far more difficult to be recognized. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent deserve a great salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how to do them.

||



Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that it is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Gifted professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas others types of valuable professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it is totally justified, however, others consider that it is unfair. I totally agree with those people who think that sports players deserve a profitable salary .

Those in favour of profitable salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons which are based on talent and performance. Anyone who adores their profession and has talent, will surely succeed, and earn money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because sports players need a certain challenge in important competitions.

However, there are many people who would argue that sport is a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience and should be considered less important. However, people who have another professions may not require talent, only skills and experience to do a particular job. For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people.

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent deserve a profitable salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how to work in your particular profession.

John I dont know why I cannot use "challenge to achieve",

I dont know why "good salaries" is wrong and which adjective is suitable here

Thank u so much John

[JohnParis]

Dear Karenblando,
This is the final time I can help you.
Otherwise, I will be writing your essay and it could be considered as plagiarism.
My suggestions are in red and my blue comments are those you need to work on.
Good luck. John

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Talented (initially, you used "talent" - I was looking for "talented") professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas people in other professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it isjustified, while others consider that it is unfair. I totally agree with those people who think that sports players deserve a high salary .

Those in favour of high salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons which are based on talent and performance. Anyone who adores their profession and has talent, will surely succeed and earn money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because sports players need a certain challenge in important competitions.(this makes no sense).

However, there are many people who would argue that sport is a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience and should be considered less important. However, (the preceding sentence also begins with however - this is incorrect) people who have another professions may not require talent, only skills and experience to do a particular job.For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people. (this sentence still makes no sense)

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent deserve a decent salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how towork in your particular profession.

[karenblando]

Dear Karenblando,
This is the final time I can help you.
Otherwise, I will be writing your essay and it could be considered as plagiarism.
My suggestions are in red and my blue comments are those you need to work on.
Good luck. John

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Talented (initially, you used "talent" - I was looking for "talented") professionals who devote their lives to sports can easily make a huge amount of money whereas people in other professions find earning a good salary difficult. Some people believe that it isjustified, while others consider that it is unfair. I totally agree with those people who think that sports players deserve a high salary .

Those in favour of high salaries for sports professionals have valid reasons which are based on talent and performance. Anyone who adores their profession and has talent, will surely succeed and earn money as a consequence. Moreover, sport is a special kind of profession because sports players need a certain challenge in important competitions.(this makes no sense).

However, there are many people who would argue that sport is a profession that does not need many years of academic study or experience and should be considered less important. However, (the preceding sentence also begins with however - this is incorrect) people who have another professions may not require talent, only skills and experience to do a particular job.For example, there are too many people studying professions rather than doing sports so to be promoted to new positions is necessary to beat a significant amount of people. (this sentence still makes no sense)

In conclusion, people who have and perform their talent deserve a decent salary no matter the type of profession. Some professions are more difficult than others, however, the key to success is how towork in your particular profession.

Thank you John, I am sorry for asking you too many questions.


I have a question why is wrong "challenge to achieve" and "I totally agree"

[karenblando]

Thank you John, I am sorry for asking you too many questions.


I have a question why is wrong "challenge to achieve" and "I totally agree"

Thank you John