Trying to correct someone else's writing
Today I visited this Korean web forum I go and answer questions occasionally.
And I noticed this text introducing Korea's traditional clothing.
Quote:
I'll talk about korean clothes.
Korean clothes 'Hanbok' is traditional clothes of korea.
People had korean clothes on long time ago.
But now, we were korean clothes on special days. Because most of korean clothes are uncomfortable for act.
So people made 'sanghwalhanbok' for korean who don't like to wear and uncomfortable with Hanbok.
Korean clothes are gorgeous but simple too.
There are many different kinds of style in Korean clothes. Such as 'Dopo', 'Dang-ui', etc..
Most of all, Korean clothes's line is very elegant and good.
Korean -including me- are proud of these beautiful clothes.
And I thought, hey, this is easy enough, I'll correct it. As I actually strated correcting it I realized I'm not good enough for it.
I started like this: "I'd like to talk about a traditional Korean clothing, Hanbok."
And that's when I got myself confused. Should I use a or the, or should I not use any articles at all? what would be the difference between clothes and clothing?"
There are a lot of things in the original text I can correct. At the same time if I get confused with such basics, I haven't been studying English right.
Could you correct the original text for me? thanks in advance!
Re: Trying to correct someone else's writing
Quote:
Originally Posted by HaraKiriBlade
Today I visited this Korean web forum I go and answer questions occasionally.
And I noticed this text introducing Korea's traditional clothing.
And I thought, hey, this is easy enough, I'll correct it. As I actually strated correcting it I realized I'm not good enough for it.
I started like this: "I'd like to talk about a traditional Korean clothing, Hanbok."
And that's when I got myself confused. Should I use a or the, or should I not use any articles at all? what would be the difference between clothes and clothing?"
There are a lot of things in the original text I can correct. At the same time if I get confused with such basics, I haven't been studying English right.
Could you correct the original text for me? thanks in advance!
I've changed and added some of the words that he/she used to not repeat the same word throught out his paragraph.
I’d like to talk about traditional Korean clothes because they are very delicate. Hanbok was a popular style that Koreans loved to wear a long time ago. Koreans nowaday, however, only wear traditional clothes on their special days because most of them are inconvenient for daily activities. So, a new style has been made called Sanghwalhanbok for those who are uncomfortable wearing Hanbok. There are many different styles of Korean clothing such as Dopo, Dang-ui ect... which all are gorgeous and simple. The special thing about Korean clothes is that their lines are very elegant and fine. Koreans, including myself, are proud of these beautiful clothes.
Re: Trying to correct someone else's writing
Thank you Cner01 for the correction.
Hmm perhaps I should rephrase my question.
I do have the ability to correct the text my own way, but only by avoiding sentences where articles (a, the) are needed and rephrasing them so that I can use instead the possesives (my, his, her; I don't know the exact grammatical term) or other words such as some, many, much and etc.. that way my English would be seen as polished.
Now that I'm really serious about English I'd rather lose my face going back to the basics than keep pretending I'm good.
Here I'll write my version and ask some specific questions for you to answer.
Quote:
(Today) I'd like to talk about traditional Korean clothes, Hanbok
We now only wear this on special occasions or holidays because it tends to limit movement but it was the only choice available back then.
In response to people's demand to make it more comfortable, a modified version, Sangwa ranbok, was made to accommodate their needs.
Hanbok is gorgeous yet simple.
There are many different styles of Hanbok, such as 'Dopo', 'Dang-ui', etc..
Most of all, it boasts very elegant lines.
Koreans, including myself, are very proud of this beautiful clothes.
Could you proofread first? and...
Questions (You don't have to answer all of them if you can't):
1. What is the difference between clothes and clothing? is clothes plural? are they even countable?
2. I'd like to talk about a / the / blank traditional Korean clothes, Hanbok.
I didn't know what to go for because they all have a seemingly valid reason to fit in.
If I were to use 'a', it'd be because readers don't know what traditional clothes I'm talking about yet.
If I were to use 'the', it'd be because Hanbok is probably the only traditional clothes in Korea. So people in Korea would know what I'm refering to by saying 'the traditional clothes of Korea'
And if I were to use nothing, it'd be because I'm generalizing 'traditional clothing / clothes'.
All these 'possibilities' conflict in my fish brain and I don't know which route to take.
Which article should I use, or should I just drop it altogether? and could you explain why you made the choice you made?
3. special occasions or holidays - are they different, or can I just drop holidays?
4. it tends to limit movement - should I use plural form here? and when you compare my sentence to Cner01's version, which is '...most of them are inconvenient for daily activities.', what kind of nuance do you get? Does any of them sound more positive / negative? any other subtle differences?
5. a modified version, Sangwa ranbok, was made to accommodate their needs - I feel that someone else can phrase it better. Anyone care to give it a try?
Thanks again!
Re: Trying to correct someone else's writing
Teachers out there please feel free to correct me or jump in to help HarakiriBlade. I’m also an ESL student just like others. Here is what I think:
The original passage is a very poor writing if that was a paragraph of an essay. It’s more like a note to help her/him talk in front of others in an ESL class. I didn’t really go into deep analysis to make it a good paragraph since the origin itself lacks of a lot of supporting details to back up for what he/she said. So, to edit this passage, we need to ask for more information from the writer.
It’s obvious that the writer didn’t really intend to talk about Handbok only. In fact, He just generally mentioned about it and other styles. So “(Today) I'd like to talk about traditional Korean clothes, Hanbok” should be used only if you were to talk aobut “Hanbok” only
1. Clothes(plural) and Clothing basically have the same meaning. However, clothing are more general (clothes, dress, covering...). There’s nothing wrong with using either of them. But I would use clothing just because it sounds more naturally to me.
2. Don’t use neither “a” nor “the” because you’re actually saying generally about traditional Korean clothing, not any specific one. Even Koreans don’t know what type(s) of traditional clothing that you’re going to talk about.
3. Using “Special occasions” is better than “special holidays” because it has broader meaning than the other.
4. “It tends to limit movement” is better if compared to mine “...inconvenient for daily activities” because it states clearly what made people feel uncomfortable (it limits movement) while mine only states in general. And no, don’t use “s” after “movement”
5. I would say “a modified version, Sangwa ranbok, was designed (or created) to accommodate their needs” sounds better
