Uni-Essay, just finished, who could have a look???

Hi there!
I just finished writing my first essay for Uni. :shock:

It would be a great help, if someone could have a look at it!!!!
(inappropriate use of words, grammar...)
Unfortunately it is already due on Fr. so that I don’t have a lot of time left to correct it. The essay is about 900 words.

If one of you would like to have a look at it, I will email it to you!!

Cheers,
Dina

Sorry, I have only just seen the post. the best thing to do is just to post the text up and people will look at it, though try to leave more time as people come in and go out at different times. ;-)

Thank you for your reply!
I know, that was really a last minute request. :roll:
I don't really like to post my essay bec at my Uni they search for essays on the Internet and I don't want to give an impression that I'm not writing my essays by myself even if I just ask for a grammar check here... I don't know if that makes any sense to you..?!?

I already handed my essay in, but as they don't give you a feedback on grammer etc and just comment on the content, it would be great, if someone would have a quick look at it sometime!
I just want to learn what I can improve next time!
The essay is about 'governance', so if someone is interessed in this stuff???
Cheers,
Nadine

Universities do searches for plagiarism, so they're looking for work that has been copied from the internet rather than stuff and I doubt that they'll be worried about someone taking the trouble to try to improve their *grammar*. I teach in a university some of the time and I have used the programs to check for plagiarism, and if I found an essay being discussed for tidying grammar and style, I'd think the student was a keen one, not a cheat. The reason I suggested posting is that it gives more coverage- people come in and out of here at different times, and posting it would give it exposure to a number of teachers. This would be the most useful for you, I feel, so why don't you just ask your tutor if it would be OK to ask questions about the language of an essay on a language forum. If so, then do that. If not, we'll try to think of something else.
:-)

Hello!

OK, since the essay was due last FR. it doesn't matter if I post it now anyway.

I would be very thankful, if one could have a look at my essay!
I just want to learn and improve my writing skills.


Essay Question: Is governance a useful concept for broadening our understanding of the roles and tasks of governments?

“The past century has seen some radical changes in the dominant beliefs about what the state can and should do – what we might call paradigm shifts.” (HUDSON AND LOWE, 1998: 35)

A much looser and more fragmented system of governing and an increasing complexity of social dependencies and interactions on all levels (from local to supranational) led to changing roles and tasks of governments. Different analytical concepts such as the “concept of policymaking as social learning” seek to explain changes in policy and the state’s role in these processes. This essay seeks to discuss if governance is a useful concept for broadening our understanding of the roles and tasks of government. Therefore it is important to clarify “government” and “governance”. Government is the state of being governed. Governance is an analytical perspective, which seeks to describe or evaluate the reality of structures and modes collective actions in state, economy or society (BENZ, 2004:27). Rhodes says: “Governance signifies a change in the meaning of government, referring to new process of governing; or a changed condition of order and rule; or the new method by which society is governed” (NEWMAN, 2001:11).

There are two essential arguments concerning governance. One argument states that governance helps to clarify the roles and tasks of governments. That’s because governance embeds government in a very broad framework of complex structures of collective governing actions. And the other argument states that the governance perspective is not beneficial to analyse the roles and tasks of governments. This is because it is rather imprecise when it comes to the roles and tasks of governments in many terms. I will critically examine each argument, provide three pivotal factors, and then I will provide my understanding with supporting rationale.

The first argument that governance is helpful analysing government’s roles and tasks rests upon three critical factors. First, governance captures different levels of analysis. Second, it embraces public and private actors. Finally, governance focuses on the whole policy process (from policy-making to policy-implementation) (DELAY 2003:122). I think the broad context in which the concept embeds governments allows for some important aspects such as governing takes place in much wider interrelations. For instance, governments are affected by supranational decisions. Moreover governing is a result of interaction between public and non-public actors such as the economy. Finally, the policy process involves governments in various ways. Therefore it illuminates different roles and tasks of governments depending on the stages in the policy process.

The second argument that governance is not a useful concept for broadening our understanding of the roles and tasks of governments bases upon these three factors. First, the concept provides different propositions regarding the affects of developments like devolution on the roles and tasks of governments (NEWMAN, 2001:18f). Second, governance over-simplifies the public policy process and fails to explain why changes in the policy process occur (DELAY, 2001:124/NEWMAN, 2001:17). Finally governance fails to explain certain issues of power (MAYNTZ, 2004:74f/NEWMANN, 2001:20f). The first point makes the concept partly useless to answer clearly the question. Moreover the fact that governance fails to explain why changes occur doesn’t help to explain what kind of role governments play in changing processes. Finally, the concept of governance blinds one of the most important aspect of governing out: power and preservation of power. Governance discusses the exercise of power. Power remains to be an instrument not an end in itself. The concept implies that all actions of governing motivated to seek common welfare. But this is a very selective view of political reality (MAYNTZ, 2004:74f).

By reviewing both sides of the argument, I find that governance cannot entirely define the roles and tasks of governments because of factors identified above. But is the concept consequently useless? I think not. Governance helps broaden our understanding of the roles and tasks of governments even if its explanations are not entirely satisfying. That is because the concept provides a multi-dimensional framework including all levels and actors of governing to discover roles and tasks of governments. Governance “(…) shifts attentions beyond the state itself while setting out new conceptions of the tasks and roles of governing” (NEWMAN, 2001:17). Previous analysis which are based on state power and just focus on the core executive as the centre of governing provide a very selective perspective. A multi-dimensional framework is premise for understanding political entities nowadays. That is because we are facing a much looser and more fragmented system of governing and an increasing complexity of social dependencies and interactions on all levels. In fact the roles of governments vary depending on with whom they interact. For instance, on an international level governments are members of supranational organisations. Corresponding to different roles the tasks of governments are newly arranged as well. On a national level the concept illuminates changing demands in governing. Governments increasingly act in the roles as facilitators. Furthermore the concept highlights a separation between policy-making and policy-implementation. While governments take a major part in the policy-making process their active role regarding the implementation-process has become of little importance. Implementation of policy-processes has increasingly been contracted out to quasi-governmental agencies, so that governments are rather in a steering position than exercising direct control.
Governance is a very ambitious concept and has a great potential to explain roles and tasks of governments. But applying the governance concept one should be aware of the fact that the concept can’t define all roles and tasks of governments entirely satisfying. It fails to explain the affects of power and how preservation of power affects the roles and tasks of governments and the concept provides different propositions as to how the roles and tasks of governments have changed under specific developments such as globalisation. Therefore governance should rather be applied as a perspective. It is advising to make use of other theories and empirical methods in order to receive more precise answers and not just a better understanding of the roles and tasks of governments.
__________________________________________________ _______________


References
.....

l2- led- wouldn't 'have led' be better as they impact on the present?
l4- discuss if- I'd use 'whether'
l5- Therefore- this should have a comma after it- words connecting two sentences should have a comma after them if the first word, and before and after is they occur later in the sentence
- Government is the state of being governed- you should avoid using a word to define itself- one dictionary defined 'poetry' as the 'work of a poet'- does that help? You should try to use an alternative or reword it so that the reader knows. The second defintion does use the term, but amidst a wider explanation.
-Rhodes says: “Governance signifies a change - 'says' is a weak introductory verb in my opinion. I'd also change the punctuation. Why not use 'states that' or something and no colon?
-There are two essential arguments concerning governance. - Hmm- these are opposing arguments, so wouldn't it be better to refer to them as theories/stances/opinions, etc?
- That’s because - I''d say that you should never use contractions in an essay
-And the other argument - No need to start with 'and' here, and in formal writing, we tend not to where possible

-The first argument that governance is helpful analysing government’s roles and tasks rests upon three critical factors.- Do you need to repeat the contents of the srgument? wouldn't 'the first theory/argument' be enough?
-in which the concept embeds governments allows for some important aspects such as governing takes place in much wider interrelations- if you put commas around 'such as governing', it might be easier to read this
- Moreover -comma & Therefore
-For instance, governments are affected by supranational decisions. - are or can be?
- bases upon these three factors- I might be showing my age, but I can't help preferring 'is based'

-Finally - comma

-public/non-public public/private- are you using these synonymously? It's not 100% clear to me whether you are making a distinction or not
-Paragraph four- presenting the arguments together then the anlysis makes it a bit harder to follow than it need be, IMO. You could deal with each point- Finally governance fails to explain certain issues of power (MAYNTZ, 2004:74f/NEWMANN, 2001:20f). The first point makes the concept partly useless to answer clearly the question.- This is sending the reader dashing around the paragraph- finally to first???
- blinds one of the most important aspect - apsects, surely? 'Blinds'??
-Power remains to be - Power remains...
-all actions of governing motivated - are motivated
-But this is a very selective view of political reality- However,...
-But is the concept consequently useless? I think not.- I don't like direct questions- you're the writer- why are you asking me? I prefer it if you tell me what you think, without direct questions
-Previous analysis which are - anaylsis..is or analyses ...are
-That is because - used twice in same paragraph. Also, I'd prefer 'this'
-In fact - comma
-depending on with whom they interact- depending on whom the interact with
-For instance, on an international level governments - comma after 'level'
-governments are members of supranational organisations- all of them???
-Corresponding to different roles the tasks of governments are newly arranged as well.- I'd rework this sentence- it's completely opaque to me
-On a national level comma
-While governments take a major part in the policy-making process comma (you seem to miss this comma quite a bit)
-quasi-governmental agencies- if you mean Quangos, aren't they non-governmental? If not, out of interest, what do you mean?
-explain roles and tasks of governments- the?
- But applying the governance concept one - comma somewhere?
-Governments increasingly act in the roles as facilitators.- how many roles? as or of?
-While governments take a major part in the policy-making process their active role regarding - comma somewhere in this?
-the concept can’t define - cannot
-can’t define all roles and tasks of governments entirely satisfying- satisfactorily??
_ It fails to explain the affects - affect = verb, effect = noun (and occasionally verb, but with different meaning)
-It fails to explain the affects of power and how preservation of power affects the roles and tasks of governments and the concept provides different propositions as to how the roles and tasks of governments have changed under specific developments such as globalisation.- don't you want a spot of punctuation here? And how about getting rid of a few 'ands'
-It is advising - advisable
-other theories and empirical methods - such as?

-in order to receive more precise answers - get/obtain??
:-D

HI!

Thank you so much for Ur comments! :-D

I'm afraid that this essay is petty poor... I hope I get at least 50%. :roll:

Cheers!

I didn't say it was poor. I was just trying to be as picky as possible for you- anyway, Tokyo's a city famous for insomnia and I couldn't sleep. ;-)

HI!

Thanx, I now you didn't say that my essay is ###; it was my conclusion :roll:

So, you are teaching in Tokio? but you are a native English speaker from...?
I have never been in Japan, but would love to go there. A close friend of mine lived in Tokio a while. She said its a crazy city.

Wish you a nice weekend!

Cheers!

I'm living here for some months, then plan to go somewhere else- I'm working around Asia, though from the UK. Enjoy your weekend. ;-)