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Old 22-Oct-2005, 17:36
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Default [Proofread] Presentation at school 5/5

It seems that, this isn't the last one. There are actually six in total. My bad, forgive me.

Quote:
Last but not the least, this mandatory phys ed may do more harms to the very children who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of it.

Phys ed class, no matter what kind, puts kids in a very competitive environment. And overweight and obese children quite obviously can't run as fast, jump as high or last as long. In team sports such as basketball, where agility and endurance is crucial in performance, those kids would be the last ones to be picked. They will learn they're inferior to their peer. They would have to endure humiliation, embarrassment, and sense of self-worthlessness. They will learn to associate exercise with those negative feelings. Such not only leaves emotional scars that never heal, but further discourages their children from getting more physical activities because they are now afread of being hurt, afraid of aggrevating their emotional weak spot.

In (on) the Letter to the Editor section in Toronto Star newspaper, a reader submitted her experience in gym classes, that how bad enough it was even though she wasn't overweight but was only small and uncoordinated. She went on to write how the emotional hurt lasted so long that it took her 10 years before she was able to engage physical activities and that (+how) she still avoids teams sports. Kids can be very cruel. Imagine what obese kids would go through in such environment.
Thank you very much! one more and it's done and over with!

Last edited by HaraKiriBlade; 22-Oct-2005 at 17:52.
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Old 23-Oct-2005, 09:02
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Default Re: [Proofread] Presentation at school 5/5

Last but not the least- no article
harms - uncountable
agility and endurance is crucial - are?
and sense of self-worthlessness- a sense and delete self-
Such not only leaves- such + noun, or use 'This'
activities - activity
such environment- such an
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[Proofread] Presentation at school 1/5 HaraKiriBlade Editing & Writing Topics 1 23-Oct-2005 06:51
[Proofread] Presentation at school 3/5 HaraKiriBlade Editing & Writing Topics 1 23-Oct-2005 04:51


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