Business comm-Poem

[arkanegarant]

In Memory of Mary Newton Bruder
I hear participles weeping
as they dangle over her grave
wet as the soggy sentences
of students who pour over textbooks.
I see the company stationary
forced to a standstill.
Who can it turn to,
from whence will it seek advise?
Will it be able to continue on?
Neat little subjects and objects
stand two abreast
like an honor guard in the cemetary,
loyal as slaves sent to follow
their master out of the world.
The affect would amuse her
but at this point in time
I can no longer illicit
her secret smile,
the baptism of her soft blue pencil.
Poem by Margaret Menamin

There are no less than 8 issues with this poem.

Here is my variant:

I hear participles are weeping
as they dangle over her grave
wet as the soggy sentences
of students who pour over textbooks.

I see the company stationary
forced to a stand still.
Who can it turn to,
from whence will it seek advise?
Will it be able to continue on?

Neat little subjects and objects
stand two abreast
like a honor guard in the cemetery,
loyal as slaves who have been sent to follow
their master out of this world.

The effect would amuse her
but now
I can no longer illicit
her secret smile,
baptism of her blue pencil.

What did I miss?

Thanks a lot!!!

[Gretchenplay]

In Memory of Mary Newton Bruder

I hear participles weeping
as they dangle over her grave
wet as the soggy sentences
of students who pore over textbooks. (1. commonly confused)
I see the company stationery (2. commonly confused)
forced to a standstill.
Who can it turn to,
from whence will it seek advice? (3. commonly confused)
Will it be able to continue on? (4. on is redundant here as to continue already conveys the sense of progression)
Neat little subjects and objects
stand two abreast
like an honor guard in the cemetery, (5. common misspelling)
loyal as slaves sent to follow
their master out of the world.
The effect would amuse her (6. commonly confused)
but at this point in time
I can no longer elicit (7. commonly confused)
her secret smile,
the baptism of her soft blue pencil.
Poem by Margaret Menamin

Cannot for the life of me find the last one. let me know if you get it. Perhaps it is something to do with dangling participles?

[arkanegarant]

Thanks a lot. Now I see some new mistakes!