Please need essay correction

[learning54]

Hi Teachers,
Could you correct this essay please?

"Cars should be banned from the centres of all major cities."
In Barcelona, for example, the city centre is full of cars, which give a very bad view of the city to the people who go shopping, so I think cars should be banned from the city centres of important cities.
Firstable, I think more public transport (eg. Buses, taxis...) should be promoted because this gives money to the city and, for example the buses transport more people than a private car.
In my view I think the councils should regulate the areas, in which the private cars could go. Most people believe that these areas should be in the city centre but I think these territories shouldn’t be in the city centre.
Finally, I think councils should think and talk about this topic because this could give more prestige to the city, so more people would go to the city centre to go shoping or to visit this area.
Thanks in advance

[sumon.]

Nicely written.
But I think it is not an essay. Maybe a commentary .
Thank you.

[learning54]

Nicely written.
But I think it is not an essay. Maybe a commentary .
Thank you.

Hi,
Thank you.
Are you a teacher?

[sumon.]

No, sir/ma'am.
I am a student of English.

[learning54]

No, sir/ma'am.
I am a student of English.

Hi sumon,
Thank you for your reply, but I'm looking for an English teacher in order to correct the essay. In fact one of my students wrote it and I've already correct it. That's why I'm asking for help. I need to know if it is well done.

Best,
L54

[Gillnetter]

Hi Teachers,
Could you correct this essay please?

"Cars should be banned from the centres of all major cities."
In Barcelona, for example, the city centre is full of cars, which give a very bad view of the city to the people who go shopping, so I think cars should be banned from the city centres of important cities.
Firstable Firstly (or "First), I think more public transport (eg. Buses, taxis...) should be promoted because this gives money to the city and, for example, the buses transport more people than a private cars do.
In my view, I think the councils should regulate the areas, in which the private cars could go. Most people believe that these areas should be in the city centre but I think these territories shouldn’t be in the city centre.(This sentence is unclear. "territories" is a word that means a large area, not a small part of a city. In addition, the reference to "these" in the first part of the sentence is unclear. Are you trying to say, "Most people believe that cars should be allowed in the city center, but I believe that they shouldn't be allowed there"?)
Finally, I think councils should think and talk about this topic because this (You are relying on "this" too much. Define what you are talking about - "Finally, I think that councils [the council if there is only one council that could made such a decision] should think and talk about not allowing cars to enter the city center. This would give more prestige to the city and more people would go to the city center to go shopping or to visit the area.) could give more prestige to the city, so more people would go to the city centre to go shoping shopping or to visit this area.
Thanks in advance

Gil

[learning54]

Hi Gillnetter,
Thank you so much for your such a detailed correction and great commentaries.

Best,
L54