Essay correction. Thanks.
If you have time, would you mind helping me correct this essay. I also want to know does examples in the passages support the argument? Thanks.
I disagree with the opinion that compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Because living in cities can earn more money to support their families and children can be educated better.
Living in cities means you can make more money to support your families. According to a survey conducted by Peking University, salaries in cities are 40% higher than in villages. That’s the reason that why many people are moving out of their villages. My father once worked in a small town, and the salary was only 1500 RMB, which was impossible to support our family. Our family has three children, the tuition was quite a burden for us. Two years ago, my father decided to work in Guangzhou city. Things get better now. My father can earn 2500 RMB monthly, and my mother also find a job. Therefore, we don’t have to worry about having enough money. On the contrary, we can use surplus money to improve our life. For example, my father bought a washing machine, so my mother can save much time. Living in cities benefits people, since they can make more money to improve their families.
Children can receive better education in cities. There are many first rank schools with advanced facilities. Children have a great desire to learn new knowledge. On the other hand in villages many students are unwilling to study. They find it difficult to understand the importance of study. This is because their parents are illiterate. Third years ago, my country experienced the Cultural Revolution, many people were forced to transfer from cities to villages to cultivate land. Thus their parents abandoned study, and they also taught their children that it’s useless to study. Therefore, children in villages don’t like study. It’s good for parents to send their children to study in cities.
Admittedly, the competitions in cities are fierce. It’s not surprising to find that thousands of people apply for each job. Some people might find it hard to support their families. They prefer to live in villages. Price level in the village is not as much high as in the city. So they can afford necessities. Besides, the competitions in villages are not fierce. They can find a job easily. Even though salaries are a little low, but it’s enough for people to support their families.
To conclude, living in cities can better support their families because they can earn more money and their children can receive first rank education.
Last edited by heyuting; 09-Apr-2012 at 23:46.
By learning54 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 18-Jan-2012, 16:36
By salza in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 08-Mar-2009, 18:10
By steph_333 in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 06-Mar-2009, 13:18
By yeevon in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 01-Mar-2009, 06:46
By laetibedout in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 19-Jul-2008, 00:50
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO