• 14-Jul-2012, 18:15
weast
Hi, this is the first time for me.
I am preparing for the IELTS test and I am really worried about my writing. I am so afraid that my English may seem like "chinglish", therefore I really hope that you can give me some advice. THANK YOU A LOT FOR YOUR PRECIOUS TIME.

HERE IS the main paragraph in the report I wrote according to a given graph.(The graph illustrates the number of people in a station in London throughout one day.)

As we can learn from the line graph, the number of people at a London Station fluctuates grealty over the period. More precisely, the number stands at only 100 at 6 in the morning. Then, it climbs dramatically in the next 2 hours and finally culminating at 400 at 8am. After that there is a downward trend and the number goes down straightly to 180 two hours later. The coming 4 hours sees a slight growth in number and arrives at 300 at 2pm. However, the figures declines again greatly, and there is fewest people in this station at 4pm, only 99. The next 2 hours witnesses a rapid growth with the number soaring to nearly the same as that at 8am, at 6pm. From the point onwards, the number drops to a low point of 189 at 8pm. Then the number increases to 180 by 9pm before decreasing again to only 110 by the end of 10pm.

I am sure about wether I use the words and phrases correctly or not, would you please offer me some advice?
Thank you!
• 14-Jul-2012, 21:22
CarloSsS
Quote:

Originally Posted by weast

As we can learn from the line graph, the number of people at a London Station fluctuates grealty greatly over the period. More precisely, the number stands at only 100 at 6 in the morning. Then, it climbs dramatically in the next 2 hours and is finally culminating at 400 at 8 am. After that there is a downward trend and the number goes down straightly to 180 two hours later. The coming following 4 hours sees a slight growth in the number and arrives at as it peaks at 300 at 2 pm. However, the figures declines again greatlysteeply, and there is are the fewest people in at this station at 4 pm, only 99. The next 2 hours witnesses witness a rapid growth with the number soaring to nearly the same as that at 8 am and at 6 pm. From the that point onwards, the number drops to a low point of 189 at 8 pm. Then the number increases to 180 by 9 pm before decreasing again to only 110 by the end of 10 pm. (I'm not sure that you can say "by the end of XY pm/am").

There needs to be a space between a number and "pm" or "am". Even though it's not stylistically bad at all, it could be improved by omitting or replacing often repeated words and phrases.
• 15-Jul-2012, 16:05
weast
Thank you so much！You've helped me a lot!
But I don't understand why it should be "witness" instead of "witnesses" in the second to last sentence?
• 15-Jul-2012, 19:45
CarloSsS
Quote:

Originally Posted by weast
Thank you so much！You've helped me a lot!
But I don't understand why it should be "witness" instead of "witnesses" in the second to last sentence?

It needs to be "witness" because it follows the phrase "he next 2 hours", which is plural. If there was "the next hour" instead, you would have to use "witnesses".

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