Help to look at my essay

Dear Teachers,
I will take an IELTS exam in next month , but I am weak on speaking. So I am trying to prepare some idea for speaking session. It would be very grateful if you can spend some time to correct my writing.

Topic: Do you think having a hobby is good for people’s social life ? In what way ? Are there any negative effects of a person spending too much time on their hobby ? What are they ?

- Yes, I think that it is good for people’s social life. I believe that it is important to balance between life and work. Doing an hobby helps people to release pressure during working time and regain the energy to the next task. Other than that, hobby of someone may be a work for another. Per example, people who like exercising gym or tennis need trainer to help them in sport exercises and that makes a chance to work for other people. Finally, people have the same interest or hobby is easier to make friend and this improve the relationship between people in a society.
However, it is not good when a person spends too much time on their hobby. As everyone have the same amount of time, increasing time in doing a hobby means decreasing time in other activities , including work and housework. And this person becomes a big charge for his family and the society.

Topic : Why do you think people need to have an interest or hobby ?
- By its definition, hobby is any regular activity undertaken for pleasure so people always feel fun when doing their hobby, which helps them to relax and regain their energy when they are back to work. Moreover, some hobbies enrich people’s experience and broaden their horizon. Some people found that some hobbies are very stimulated and creative, such as cooking and gardening. Some other hobbies require collective spirits and team work that help people to enlarge their connectivity and learn a lot of things from others.

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Originally Posted by vptri

Dear Teachers,
I will take an IELTS exam in next month, but I am weak on speaking. So I am trying to prepare some idea for the speaking session. It would be very grateful if you can spend some time to correct my writing.

Topic: Do you think having a hobby is good for people’s social life? In what way? Are there any negative effects of a person spending too much time on their hobby? What are they?

- Yes, I think that it is good for people’s social life. I believe that it is important to [find a] balance between [daily] life and work. Doing [Having/focusing on] an hobby helps people to release pressure [accumulated] during working time and regain the energy to [carry out] the next task. Other than that However, hobby of someone may be a work for another [what one considers a hobby may be considered work by others]. Per For example, people who like exercising [in a] gym or [if someone needs a] tennis need trainer to help them in sport exercises, and that makes a chance for other people to work . Finally, people have the same interest or hobby is sharing a common hobby makes it easier to make friends and this improves the relationship between people in a society.
However, it is not good when a person spends too much time on their his/her hobby. As everyone has the same amount of time, increasing time in doing a hobby means decreasing time in other activities , including work and housework. And this person [may] becomes a big charge burden for his family and the society.

Topic : Why do you think people need to have an interest or hobby?
- By its definition, a hobby is any regular activity undertaken for pleasure, so people always feel fun well when doing [they are devoted to] their hobby, which helps them to relax and regain their energy when they are to go back to work. Moreover, some hobbies enrich people’s experience and broaden their horizon. Some people find that some hobbies are very stimulating and creative, such as cooking and gardening. Some other hobbies require collective spirits and team work, which that help people to enlarge their connectivity and learn a lot of things from others.

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Nice work. But please note that you must not leave a space between a word and its question mark (or any other punctuation).

charliedeut

Thank you very much for your correction. It really helps me