would you please help me correct my TOEFL writing
Hi,nice to meet you guys, can you help me correct the essay?
Thanks a lot
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Young people have noinfluence on important decisions that determine the future of society as awhole.
Depending on personal standpoints,different people hold diverse perspectives. Some people think that the opinionsof the young have no impact on the society’s significant issues; while othershave opposite viewpoints. As far as I am concerned, young people can havecertain effects on the community because of creativity and consuming power.
To begin with, there is no denying the factthat the new generation has astonishing creativity comparing to the seniority.Due to the advance of the technology, the youth have more opportunities toassociate with the wide aspects of information leading to innovative ideas.Take Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, for example, because of hisnovel construction of the social website, Facebook enables people from differentregions around the world get together. It is a miracle for me that I connectedto an old friend with whom I have lost contact for over ten years. This brandnew access of communication changes people’s lifestyle. According to the recentsurvey, the user of Facebook is approaching 1 billion. As a result, thecontributions of the creation from young people are vital enough to alterpeople’s life.
Another equally important respect is thatcontemporary teenagers have more strong spending power than in the past resultfrom the more comfortable life. They may receive pocket money from theirparents or earn a little fortune through part-time jobs. Because of theprogress of the environment and transformation of the notions, youngsters have liberalconcept about money. They from time to time provide themselves an enjoyable tripduring the summer vacation; at times have a feast with family or go to a moviewith friends. This kind of generous conducts can stimulate the economy of thesociety.
To sum up, the young are the treasure ofour society. They play enormously influential roles because they have unlimitedimagination to create new products which can change our lives as well as their generousspending power tremendously devote to the country. It is the truth that youngpeople have unbelievable impacts on the national determinations.
Re: would you please help me correct my TOEFL writing
Thank you very much! It's really helpful.
A standpoint here means an attitude to the issue, is it an incorrect usage?
Last edited by AlisonLiu; 20-Jul-2012 at 04:46.
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