Can anyone please mark my IELTS essays ?

Hi everyone,

I would like to post 3 essays here which i wrote for my IELTS practice. I know it is time consuming to correct essay, so I just request for giving me a Band out of 9.

I would really appreciate for inputs. This will help me a lot as I have exam tomorrow.

Thank your for your time in advance.:-)


Essay 1: All high or secondary school students should be taught how to manage money, because it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?


It is irrefutable that in today’s complex life, monetary skills are essential for people of all ages. However, whether school-aged children should have such knowledge or not is often a debated topic. It is agreed that money management is a vital life skill and hence should be taught to secondary school students. This will be analysed by showing how this can help teenagers to grow into more responsible adults as well as help them to handle their finances in efficient manner.


For one, teaching monetary skills at school level helps young students to understand the value of money at an early age. For instance, youngsters who are taught to be money savvy since teen life become more accountable in their later life as a grown-up. Moreover, this encourages them to wisely spend their funds, while making them realize the worth of all the facilities provided to them by their parents. Thus, it is understandable how knowledge about money can cater students towards an erudite adult life.


In addition to this, wealth management competencies acquired during young age can prove to be an asset of great magnitude throughout the lifetime. For example, individuals who start a business or even a family require certain level of financial know-how to function efficiently. In the meanwhile, such proficiencies learned in school make young adults acquainted with superior budget planning strategies, thus increasing the chances of success by taking judicious decisions. Therefore, it is clear why awareness about money matters instilled during high school is extremely profitable for one’s personal and professional life.


Following this analysis, it is felt that idea of educating students with monetary information definitely has enormous merits, therefore, leading them to an enriched future life. It is thus hoped that in foreseeable future, more pupils will be imparted skills regarding the benefits and risks associated with wealth.


ESSAY 2: Traffic jams are becoming a problem in big towns and cities nowadays. As a solution some people are suggesting widening the roads. Do you agree or disagree?


Today, majority of the highly populated cities around the globe experience enormous traffic congestion. According to few individuals, broadening the roads is the ultimate solution for this problem. However, it is argued that there are other steps which are probably more effective than widening the roads. This will be proven by looking at how building better public transportation services and maintaining proper roads helps reduce traffic significantly.


For one, improving the public transit services of a city encourages more people to choose this mode of transport against using personal vehicles. For example, in Melbourne, the trains, buses and trams offer services in even the most remote regions of the city at an affordable fee. Because of the availability of such convenient and affordable facility, more and more residents prefer commuting by public transport, which in turn reduces the number of personal cars on roads. Hence, it is clear how better public transport system can solve the issue of congested traffic.


In addition to this, regular maintenance of roadways assists in keeping the traffic flow moving. Take Mumbai, as an illustration. There are regular instances of road blockages due to repair work being done on damaged roads in Mumbai, thus blocking the traffic at several places around the city. As a result, cars are jammed at one place and it makes the already severe traffic congestion even worse. Thus, maintaining city’s roads can prove to be very helpful in avoiding huge traffic jams.


Following this look, it is felt that providing citizens with superior quality roads and excellent public transportation are better solutions as compared to widening the roads. It is therefore hoped that in the foreseeable future, governments will focus on such methods to solve the traffic problems.


ESSAY 3: Some people believe that travelling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


It is undeniable fact that travelling has become one of the most preferred leisure activities. A large number of people hold the opinion that travel experiences bring with it significant benefits. Others, however, feel that it is merely a waste of time and monetary resources. Both sides of this argument will be discussed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.


According to many, one can acquire substantial knowledge and wisdom along with great fun and entertainment, by pursuing journey to various places. Many artists for example, are inspired by different locations around the world and thus, use the creative and innovative ideas gained during travelling. In this way, the awareness about different culture and traditions is spread to wider range of people. As such, the concept of one world and globalization can be considered as a fruit of such exploration. Moreover, most tourists would agree that travel provides immense amount of relaxation, while reinvigorating our body, mind and soul at the same time. Therefore, it is understandable why this point of view has garnered support.


On the other hand, many people contest the above and argue that the increasing costs of conveyance and the time spent for it makes travelling an activity of little value/worth. A good example of this is today’s young generation, who prefer to take a gap year during their studies and go on an excursion. This not only interrupts with their academic continuity, but can be seen as a noteworthy loss of their precious time. Also, as most of these youngsters are not financially well-versed, it is not wrong to say that money spent during their journey could have been used for other essential activities. When seen in this light, it is clear why many feel touring to be a worthless endeavour.


Following this debate, although both sides of this discussion contain indisputable virtues, it is felt that travelling helps to broaden our horizon and has tremendous merits. It is hence, expected that more people will engage in voyaging in the foreseeable future.

If you post this in the "Editing and Writing" section of the forum, you are more likely to get help. This section is more for single, specific questions. Reading essays is very time-consuming and many of us simply can't devote the required amount of time to one post.

I'd put you in band 6-7
You're leaving out a lot of indefinite articles (a). Some vocabulary is used awkwardly.
But if your exam is tomorrow, just stick to your plan. There's not a lot you can do between now and then.

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Originally Posted by emsr2d2

If you post this in the "Editing and Writing" section of the forum, you are more likely to get help. This section is more for single, specific questions. Reading essays is very time-consuming and many of us simply can't devote the required amount of time to one post.

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Thank you for the suggestion. I will surely do that.

Thanks Raymott for taking time to read my essays. I will try to rectify my mistakes and improve my writing. I appreciate your feedback.

Actually I have given Ielts many times but still can't achieve my goal - Band 8 for each module.

My average scores are:

Listening: 8.5 to 9 = mostly 9
Reading: 8.5 to 9 = mostly 9
Writing: 7 to 7.5 = mostly 7.5
Speaking: 8 to 8.5 = mostly 8

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sonni Patel

Thanks Raymott for taking time to read my essays. I will try to rectify my mistakes and improve my writing. I appreciate your feedback.

Actually I have given Ielts many times but still can't achieve my goal - Band 8 for each module.

My average scores are:

Listening: 8.5 to 9 = mostly 9
Reading: 8.5 to 9 = mostly 9
Writing: 7 to 7.5 = mostly 7.5
Speaking: 8 to 8.5 = mostly 8

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OK, I guess I'd be a harder marker than the IELTS team. :) But it seems your writing is letting you down.