#1  
Old 29-Jan-2006, 19:55
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Default Please check my paragraph

Can somebody please check this paragraph to make sure it sounds good and to see if there is only one simple sentence...

Do you know how to give your dog a bath? Well if not then you are in luck, because I am going to explain how in just a few short steps. First, you should get all needed supplies ready; these include a tub, shampoo, a brush, and a hose. Second, you need to get the dog and put him into the tub. Third, use the hose to get the dog wet, after he is covered in water turn the hose off. Fourth, lather shampoo to all areas of the dog, but be careful of his eyes. After the shampoo is all over, turn the hose on again and wash all of the shampoo away. Fifth, you can choose one of two things, you could let your dog dry himself while getting you wet or you could get a towel and dry him yourself. Sixth, when he is totally dried take a brush and groom his hair. When you’re all done, you should put all the supplies away, and clean up the area. Congratulations you have now successfully given your dog a bath, now if your really brave, give your cat a try.
  #2  
Old 30-Jan-2006, 01:31
Hayseed's Avatar
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Lightbulb Re: Please check my paragraph

Do you know how to give your dog a bath? If not, you are in luck, because I am going to explain how in just a few short steps. First, you should get all needed supplies ready; these include a tub, shampoo, a brush, and a hose. Next, put the dog in the tub. Third, use the hose to get the dog wet, after he is covered in water turn the hose off. Fourth, lather the dog with shampoo, taking care to avoid the eyes. Rinse the dog thoroughly. You can towel-dry the dog, or let him air dry. Finally, use a brush to groom the dog once he`s completely dry. Clean up, and you`re done. Congratulations! You have successfully given your dog a bath. Now if your really brave, try bathing your cat.

I`m not sure how "formal" you`d like this to be, but it`s at least a bit more streamlined than before. This could be re-written umpteen different ways, so maybe someone else can do better than I did.
edit:I just checked your public profile & saw that you put English as your native language. It`s mine too, but there is still alot that can be learned from the mods & teachers on here, even if you are a native speaker. They`re good!

Last edited by Hayseed; 30-Jan-2006 at 01:36.
  #3  
Old 30-Jan-2006, 03:19
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Posts: 53
Default Re: Please check my paragraph

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayseed
Now if your really brave, try bathing your cat.
The first "your" should be "you're"
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