Re: I knew this is my moment.
Before we do anything else with this piece, you need to go and look at every single verb you have used and check the tense. The piece contains almost every possible tense and many of them are used incorrectly.
Your story takes place in the past. To begin, try putting every verb into the simple past (except the final paragraph).
You can do this by clicking on "Edit Post" under your original post and then changing the contents. Remember to save the changes afterwards.
Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.