IGCSE Student. Correct my Essay. Give me Tips.

Hi I'm from Egypt and I got B twice in IG and I really want to get higher mark this year. I have recently written an article about Mixed schools Could you read it and give me your opinion and give me small tips to improve it.

Thanks in advance. :-)


A Mixed school has become prevalent throughout the world in the last few decades; however, a lot of schools are still single-sex. It has advantages and disadvantages and choosing one of them depends on the person's learning necessities.

Mixed schools prepare our children for the professional world where both genders aren't separated. Consequently, by the time they finish the 12-year of schooling, they will have been well accustomed to dealing with the opposite gender; moreover, both genders behaves so differently that their attitude will certainly affect their behaviour and respect one another.

On the other hand, it's claimed that in mixed one - females haven't motivation got the same as males in some fields such as Engineering and Medical so they will be forced to deviate to another subjects like humanities, even if they are interested in learning the other subjects. In addition, Both together are easily distracted owing to the fact that it is a natural instinct which usually effects their performance.

From my perspective, I suggest that parents should see whether the mixed or the single one is better deliberately since the situation is worth thinking for their children's future.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by saloom2

Hi I'm from Egypt and I got B twice in IG and I really want to get higher mark this year. I have recently written an article about Mixed schools Could you read it and give me your opinion and give me small tips to improve it.

Thanks in advance. :-)


Mixed schools has become prevalent throughout the world in the last few decades; however, a lot of schools are still single-sex. It has advantages and disadvantages and choosing one of them depends on the person's learning necessities.

Mixed schools prepare our children for the professional world where both genders aren't separated. Consequently, by the time they finish school of 12-year, they would have been well accustomed to dealing with the opposite gender.Moreover, both genders behaves so differently that their attitude will certainly affect their behaviour and respect one another.

On the other hand, it's claimed that in mixed one females haven't motivation got as same as males in some fields such as Engineering and Medical so they will be forced to deviate to another subjects like humanities, even if they are interest in learning the other subjects.In addition, Both together are easily distracted owing to the fact that it's a natural instinct which usually effects their performance.

From my perspective, I suggest that parents should see whether the mixed or the single one is better deliberately since the situation is worth thinking for their children's future.

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Welcome to the forum.

I have underlined each error or problem. They include errors in punctuation, spacing, capitalisation, spelling, verb choice, tense choice, singular/plural agreement or simple lack of clarity. Have a look at those areas, make some changes and post again.

Thank you, I do really appreciate it. I've corrected some mistakes, but I can't correct a lot of them such as 'Conclusion part' What 'behaves' should have been? Why 'Would have Been' is wrong?there is no 'As same as' in English, right? Could please revise it again and tell me my mistakes precisely cause I can't get them and change them to better ones. HUGEEE THANKS! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by saloom2

Hi I'm from Egypt and I got B twice in IG and I really want to get higher mark this year. I have recently written an article about Mixed schools Could you read it and give me your opinion and give me small tips to improve it.

Thanks in advance. :-)


A Mixed school has Mixed schools have become prevalent throughout the world in the last few decades; however, a lot of schools are still single-sex. It This has advantages and disadvantages and choosing which one of them depends on the person's learning necessities needs.

Mixed schools prepare our children for the professional world where both genders the sexes aren't separated. Consequently, by the time they finish their 12th year of schooling, they will have been become well accustomed to dealing with the opposite gender sex. Moreover, both genders the two sexes behaves behave so differently that their attitude will certainly affect their behaviour and their respect for one another.

On the other hand, it's claimed that in mixed one schools, females haven't don't have the same motivation got the same as males in some fields such as Engineering and Medical. so Consequently, they will be are forced to deviate to take another subjects like humanities, even if they are more interested in learning the other subjects. In addition, putting both sexes together means they are are easily distracted owing to the fact that it is a natural instinct which usually affects their performance.

From my perspective, I suggest that parents should see whether the a mixed school or the a single-sex one is better deliberately since - the situation is worth ​deserves thinking consideration for the benefit of their children's future.

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My suggested revisions are above. Let us know if you don't understand any of them.

1- why is 'Neceesities' wrong?
2-why 'will have been' is wrong? I used here future perfect tense, so what's wrong?
3-gender, why did you replace gender with sex? both have the same meaning, haven't they?
4-'Haven't the motivation got, I used here Causative, so what is wrong?
5- deviate?
Finally, I can't use the dash in my essays, so how can I use it? could you help me in this situation??|

Thanks very much,
I do really appreciate your work and care.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by saloom2

1- why is 'Neceesities' wrong?
2-why 'will have been' is wrong? I used here future perfect tense, so what's wrong?
3-gender, why did you replace gender with sex? both have the same meaning, haven't they?
4-'Haven't the motivation got, I used here Causative, so what is wrong?
5- deviate?
Finally, I can't use the dash in my essays, so how can I use it? could you help me in this situation??|

Thanks very much,
I do really appreciate your work and care.

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1. "Necessities" is simply unnatural here. We talk about people's needs.
2. To follow "by the time they finish", we use "they have become" because you are talking about a regular/habitual state of affairs. If you were talking about one specific child who has not yet started school, you could say "By the time she finishes school, she will have become ..."
3. As 5jj said in a thread a while ago, the current trend for exchanging the perfectly acceptable word "sex" for "gender" is unnecessary. It appears to have come about because some people simply don't want to see/use the word "sex" because they think it's rude! In your context though, where the specific schools you are talking about are "single-sex schools", it makes sense to continue to use the word "sex" to differentiate between male and female.
4. The grammar of your original sentence was simply incorrect. "Haven't the motivation got" has the words in the wrong order. You can say "... haven't got the motivation ..." ("Girls don't have the [same] motivation that boys do", for example.)
5. We "deviate from" something. You might deviate from the path when walking in the forest, or you could deviate from your original career path, but we don't use to describe someone swapping courses at school, or making different choices.

Why can't you use dashes in your essay?

Thank you.
I don't know how can I use it. Teachers here in Egypt aren't good enough in English, so they have never taught me how to use it as well as the coma, semi colon.

Could you correct my another essay, please? http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/ed...chemicals.html

Thanks in advance.
I do really appreciate it.