Make my letter flow better

[RandomGuy]

Hi,

I have written an appeal letter but it doesnt really flow very well. If someone can help make the letter flow better, i would be very grateful. :)



To whom this may concern,

My name is NAME and I have completed the first semester in Computer Science. Recently, I have been opted-out of Co-op because of my grades and would like to have the chance to be re-considered.
I come from a French background, kindergarden, elementary school and high school were all completed in French with only a few English courses. During the first semester, I had a hard time learning all the terms and keeping up with the class and this has affected my academic performance. However, my lack of discipline in College is what affected my grades the most. I didn’t take classes seriously enough and now I regret it. However, this has taught me first-hand that school is not easy and it requires effort and dedication. Some people are told school is important and others have to realize it on their own. I am the latter. During my first semester, my energy was focused on personal projects rather than school. Obviously this was a mistake and I realize it.
I am not sure if this is relevant or not but my plan for this semester is to have a final average between 75 and 100% in all classes.

Thanks you for taking the time to read this letter.
Sincerely,
NameHere

[emsr2d2]

Hi,

I have written an appeal letter but it doesnt really flow very well. If someone can help make the letter flow better, i would be very grateful. :)



To whom this it may concern (note that this phrase is not used very often nowadays. Given the nature of your letter, it would be better to find out the name of the person who will be considering your request, and address it to him/her direct).

My name is NAME and I have completed the first semester in Computer Science. Recently, I have been opted-out of excluded/suspended from Co-op because of my grades and but I would like to have the chance that decision to be re-considered.

I come from a French background - my kindergarden, elementary school and high school were all completed in French with only a few English courses. During the first semester, I had a hard time learning all the terms and keeping up with the class and this has affected my academic performance. However, my lack of discipline in College is what affected my grades the most. I didn’t take classes seriously enough and now I regret it. However, this has taught me first-hand that school is not easy and it requires effort and dedication. Some people are told school is important and others have to realize it on their own. I am in the latter group. During my first semester, my energy was focused on personal projects rather than school. Obviously this was a mistake and I now realize it that.

I am not sure if this is relevant or not but my plan goal for this semester is to have a final average between 75% and 100% in all classes.

Thanks Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

Yours sincerely,
Name Here

See above for my suggested amendments.

[RandomGuy]

Just FYI, they agreed to let me in Co-op without having to write an appeal letter.(honestly my letter was lame). Thanks to everyone for their help!

[emsr2d2]

Just FYI, they agreed to let me in Co-op without having to write an appeal letter.(honestly my letter was lame). Thanks to everyone for their help!

That's good news for you. Since I appear to be the "everyone" you refer to, you're welcome. The reasons contained in your appeal letter might have been, in your opinion, "lame", but with a few exceptions, it was pretty well written.