Can i get band 8 for this essay in general ielts
Hi All, I will be taking the IELETS exam in a month and i have been taking some practice exams. I'm aiming for a band 8 score anything below this score is unacceptable for me. This is my first time taking the exam and i would like to get a score of 8 on the first try due to available funding and time restrictions. After taking several practice exams i receive an average of 33/40 mark on the listening and reading parts. I'm not too worried about the speaking part of the exam i know it will be a walk in the park. However, the writing portion of the exam i'm very worried about as there is no way of my finding out my level of writing since i don't know anyone proficient enough to check my work. Therefore, i would like to post some of the essays that i have been writing for people in this forum to give their opinion. Constructive critisizm welcomed !
First i would like to post the first essay i've written, I think i may of strayed off the topic, but id like to hear your opinion.
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Computers have come a long way since its first inception decades ago. The introduction of the internet has made computers a necessity for both businesses and homes. Today the average family has at least three computers/laptops in their home. The use of computers have raised the living standard world wide. However, recent research proves that negative effects of the increase of computer use by children are starting to outweigh the positive effects.
Recent studies warn parents about the dangers of excessive use of computers by children. Experts say overuse of computers by children can have irreversible effects on their social lives. Doctors say humans social skills are mostly influenced during the early years of life, specifically during the ages of 9 to 15. Expert psychologists stress that during this period it is imperative that all children spend the majority of their time socializing specifically in face to face interaction.
Further studies also warn of the health effects caused by the children’s excessive use of computers. Health experts say children must spend one third of their daily life actively engaged in physical activity and recreation. Failure to meet the body’s physical requirements will have negative effects both physically and mentally. Physical activity strengthens the immune system as well as internal and external body organs. Exercise also allows the heart to pump blood to the brain at a rapid pace, keeping the children in good form mentally.
During my early teenage years I used to spend many hours in front of a computer, with very little social and physical activities. This has caused fatigue, eye pain (due to long hours of eye exposure to monitor) and stress. These side effects quickly disappeared when I started spending less time on the computer and more time playing sports and face to face interaction.
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
The majority of a person’s adult life is spent on the job; this makes job satisfaction an important element of the person’s wellbeing. The wellbeing and satisfaction of an employee is top priority for both employees and employers. Employers understand a healthy and happy employee equates to more creativity and productivity. There are many factors that contribute to jobs satisfaction; however the two major factors that are at upmost importance are narrowed down to supportive boss/workers, and a comfortable working environment.
Perhaps the most important factor to job satisfaction is a comfortable working environment. Most human resource managers would rate employee training to be the most important and most expensive process for an organization. They would also rate employee retention to be most important for a healthy and successful business. The majority of workers who quit their jobs say bad working condition is the main factor behind their decision. This forces businesses to use time and resources in order to provide their employees with a very comfortable working environment.
The second most important factor to a happy employee is a supportive boss or co workers. People tend to work extra hard when rewarded. Most employees would say a compliment from a manager or a fellow employee is enough to keep them satisfied.
In fact, a manager who was forced to replace holiday bonus with holiday cards due to spending cuts said he did not see a decline in employee satisfaction. He adds that a holiday thank you card was enough to raise employee moral and keep them in high spirits.
While expectation of job satisfaction for all workers may be difficult, it is still realistic. If the above mentioned points are met by the employer, there is a high probability that this will satisfy all the employees.
Re: Can i get band 8 for this essay in general ielts
For me, there are too many basic mistakes for these to get an 8:
Your writing's good, but you need to get the basic errors out to get such a high mark IMO. Kicking a piece of writing off with a concord error like this does not leap off the page as an 8.
Computers have come a long way since its first inception decades ago.