Revising Admissions Essay to Univerity
Could you please check for any grammatical issues. Such as run-on and fragment sentences etc. This may be the most important essay i have to write and i cannot allow myself to have any single mistakes on it. Please feel free to correct or omit anything that doesn't need to be there, or isn't congruent with whats being said.
When I was a child art was what gave my life meaning. Early on I would often be found creating elaborate drawings, inventions, stories and music that I saw in my mind. Throughout my life education played a central role in refining these creative abilities. In elementary school a few lessons I recall that are most important are: self-determination and open-mindedness. Learning the lessons of determination in school came from never letting a mistake or pitfall define me. If I wasn't good at a subject it became a motivated that only fuel my curiosity to ask better questions until I understood. I could not allow myself to become susceptible to any minor set back, I knew that mistakes were only a matter of effort and the way I was thinking. I owe my view of open-mindedness to my early science and art teachers who showed me the many ways of looking at the world. One from a standpoint of pure reason of mathematics and the other with unbridled imagination, the combination have changed my academic perspective wholeheartedly. As far back as I can remember I was told I had gifts that I cannot waste. Education was the engine that allowed me to see my potential of these gifts and turn my ideas into reality. When I was about ten years old I lost my father to liver failure after a severe stroke, it was the single hardest event in my life. His passion was the field of genetics which flared my interest in the biological sciences. As a result of his death I vowed to myself to make him proud I became as dedicated to my school work as ever. When my education progressed from elementary school to middle school I became fascinated with the world of computer science and technology. Fixing such things as printing errors on my old Pentium III is an early memory that I remember sparking my interest in computers. This interest began to snowball increasingly fast from that of a hobby to needing to know everything about them. This is about the time when I read Carl Sagan' “Cosmos” it had profound affect on me. It became my gateway to the world of scientific understanding and learning. Reading upon his words and his perspective became a constant source of inspiration. When I entered into high-school my favorite class soon became Industrial Art. A place where I flourished creating mechanical objects such as robots and bridges. These events strengthen my interests in becoming more educated in the world science and technology. Often times I would come home from high-school and take apart old computers and try to understand every possible aspect to how it functions. After I graduated I enrolled into the [college] instead of going straight to University. Because at this time [college] worked best financially for me and my family. As well my mother needed a lot of my help at this time to take care of my brothers and sister. At [College] It took all my effort, time and lessons I had learned combined to finally narrow my focus down to one major: computer science. My goal now is attend the University Of [state] and further my education. With this all in mind I hope to be admitted into the [state] family. Reflecting back on all my experiences with my education I have a few final thoughts. I realize that suffering makes one stronger and that the only thing that can hold one back is the limit of his/her imagination.
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